Valerie
Zhss, NYJC, SMU
sammificated
De Parti.

muchthanks.

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Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

Oh before I leave the internet for the next 3 days.

Dear was very sweet today. :) LOVE.

You are the only exception.

Its 12.33am now, meaning Toy Story 3C is happening tomorrow! OMFG. Why do I keep thinking there are damn alot to do still? Nothing much already maa. Stop worrying about things I cannot control, stop trying to control everything, camp is supposed to be random, spontaneous, unpredictable. Murphy's Law, I'm sure something will happen, just waiting for it to happen, avoiding it as much as I can.

Now prep talk myself. Val, you are the best.

Think about April YCC. Think about how happy, or rather how sad everyone was when it was the end of the camp. No one wanted to leave cause camp was the awesomest place to be at. Think about the influence on the volunteers. Think about the no of repeat volunteers who kept coming back for more. Think about how the facils now can be inspired to do more, to learn and to help more.

Stay strong to what you believe in- volunteering should not be a one off thing. Its addictive. Ripple effect.

Think about the laughter of the kids, think about the values they will learn, think about how they will forge real friendship with their facils, think about how they will remember this group of people who have stepped into their lives.

Think about broadening perspectives.

:) I can do it. I'm going to nail it. Bring it on!

I dont know if its a self fulfilling prophecy. But I dont think so, cause I didnt want it. I mourned about how things will change and that was why I didnt want the departure.

Changed.

Its like when the moment is about to end, you cherish it. When you know its here to stay, you just go blah, whatever, I can always make up another day. We can always meet the next day, the next week.

What happened to catch up on lost time? What happened to being sad that I'm leaving for my holiday soon? Nothing, it just disappeared.

I hate the disappointment, the complacency you brought back with you.

--
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--

We look super cute here with the orange bib. HAHHA!

I will be staying at A, Yiling will be staying at the orange droplet. SUPER DUPER NEAR. I'm sure without a map, I can walk over by myself too. HAHH! :)))

Yup, Samuel is back. Even though its always an issue of what you cant have, you want more, what you have, you take it for granted, I'm still very happy that hes finally back. :)

But now, hes uncontactable. Either sleeping, unpacking, eating, I dont know also.

I was thinking just now that after CB paper tml, I can finally have some time for myself. I can rest and do things I want, I can enjoy and celebrate, and then, I realised. SHIT, after CB tml, camp is in 4 days. OMG. PANIC ATTACK.

I have so much to do, so much to prepare for. Am I ready? Shit, I dont feel ready, what will make me feel ready? What must I do? I have 1 million things running through my head. Ning, the mental troubleshooting is killing my energy. Its been way too long since I led a big group, since I was inspirational, since I went to camp and had such a big role. Seriously, I'm going to just suffocate and die soon.

Tomorrow after CB, I'm going to take a break and go on a date with Samuel. I'm working full day on Sunday (and my ex boss hasnt fill me on the details, very annoying). Monday morn chiong camp everything, afternoon and night celebrate Car's birthday, later night camp prep. Tues 1 full day of prep. Wed, CAMP. GEEZ.

45 more mins. COME ON I CAN DO IT. I have to. :x

After Sabrina left, my world crashed. The initial waiting time passed so quickly cause she was talking to me and we were browsing ASOS. Now, my brain is stoned and I'm damn sleepy. Gosh, this is not easy. Not easy at all.

Anyway, random ramblings again. I said fuck to an auntie at the bus stop today, accidentally of course. The rain was sibeh heavy, so heavy I think if the droplets hit your head continuously, you will feel the pain. The droplets were so big and dense. Okay yes, so my dad alighted me at the busstop and I saw Ghee Kiong. So I waited for his bus with him since I was super early for my paper.

Then suddenly, I felt a blast of rain dripped onto me like the roof of the bus stop was leaking or something. So I exclaimed "FUCK!" damn loudly. Guess what, the rain water came from this auntie flicking her wet umbrella. Wahhhhh. The woman looked at me, and she apologised. Then I felt bad. But I didnt targetted the vulgarity at her, it was just an exclamation, thinking why I so suay got rain on me even though I'm under shelter.

As you can tell, I'm trying to kill time. GOSH. 40 more mins. The airport is really quiet now. The once soft music seems to be louder now. I swear I will mug the whole day tomorrow. CB ftw. Last paper to ace, just have to mug for it.

My papers have been quite okay so far. I wouldnt say I will get straight As. Not because I didnt study, but cause of some unforeseen circumstances. God, please let me do well. I did put in effort despite Samuel's absence. I swear I did.

GOSH IM DYING OF FATIGUE.

I amaze myself, quite often, I realised.

Packed my bag and left the house at 1115pm. Love the weather so much, need to snuggle up in front of the fireplace with someone.

Took a cab cause I didnt want to spoil the mood with a horribly long mrt ride. Excuses la. I got the taxi uncle to on the radio for me, and it was Gold 90 frm, the uncle sniggered and said "this music can?" HA, so funny. It was a joy riding the cab as if I was going overseas.

I've settled at T3's TCC. 24 hrs, yeah! Internet may be a bitch but its still a joy, sipping my hot Peach Blossoms Tea, using my laptop as if I'm some writer, when I'm actually just blogging and msning and facebooking. Frivalous joys.

Give it another 2 hours and Samuel will be back. Excitement seems to become nerves. Dear, will you still be as sweet to me as you were before you flew away?

http://www.jonathanong.com/

This website makes me feel sugary and sweet and bubbles and rainbows and flowers and smiles and kisses. It brings me the same feeling that only Samuel (and maybe Christmas) is capable of bringing.

:)

Advertising
Consumer Behavior
Advertising Ethics
Consumerism

Seriously man, stop being in conflict. Advertising or desires come first. Advertising gives what people want, if its too innovative, no one will want it anyway. Then why say advertising forms irrelevant desires, too many wants and needs.

Stop playing games with my tiny mind.

HOLY MOLY.

I'm working on Sunday, and my boss is paying me $100 for a day's work. If I work 10 hours, its also $10 per hour. She wanted to give me double pay if I work on Fri, meaning its $200. WTFBBQ.

I'm really disliking CB already. WAHLAOO, why this kind of opportunity must come now?

Done with BP. Wouldnt say I'm 100% confident cause there are questions I really dont know how to do, especially those sickening text book definition questions. And the 13m calculation question, I did all the way until the last part and I didnt know how to get the ans. Damn, I should have known.

But besides that, I guess the rest of the questions are quite okay. Good luck manz, I hope everyone else does badly. HAHAHHH!

On a side notes, I dont like people to assume that others are weaker than you when you dont know the full truth. Do not conclude when you didnt even search for evidence in the first place. Sometimes, these people make me, sadly, realise the gap that exists between us.

Oh and on another side note, I was in the same train as an ultra act cute China woman who was dressed in all hot pink. The cheap cotton pink. This is not a racist comment cause I do have nice friends from China. Omg she was like adult alr, but she still talk damn loud in the act cute voice. Her boyfriend/husband is a Singaporean. And they were flirting and bickering about some stuff. I could only hear her voice actually.

She shouted damn loud and damn whiney, "Wo bu guan la, shi tou jian dao bu!" *translation: I dont care la, scissors paper stone!* This happened twice in my short MRT trip. Red line not circle line somemore. I sniggered in my seat, had to use my hand to cover my mouth. Nowadays must be careful, later kena slash by parang. Okay then when the guy won, she jumped in her seat (she must be damn heavy, the row of seats shook with her).

She thinks shes hello kitty or sth la. Okay, studying time again.

Think BP, breathe BP, feel BP, do BP.

Fuck you stomach. Why must you start your nonsense now? I'm down with stomachache for no reason. No I'm not stressed. Probably overly excited.

I must nail it for my BP tml. If I cant do tomorrow's paper, I think I will be damn sad. Dont ask me to study now, cause I studied all I can already. I believe in resting my brain the night before my paper. Its like a personal ritual since primary school. I must do well tomorrow and hopefully I wont take 3 hours. I need to rush home to study Ethics and Socio.

Gosh, cant wait for thurs to end. Counting down day by day is sooo annoying.

My ex boss has a problem. She likes to appear and disappear.

During my confused days when I tried to get a JP Morgan internship from her, she appeared saying she will help, then disappeared without helping.

Now, she wants me to help her out at some thing at expo. She called/ msged. I replied, and she disappeared.

Something wrong with career women.

Woah, now she replied, she must be desperate. "Can you work on Friday too? Double rate if you can." WAHH WTF. Tempting much. Damn CB on Sat. ZZZZ.

Wah imagine my $12/hr pay. WTFFFF. CCB.

And by tonight, there will only be 2 more left. BYEBYE FAKE KISSES. HELLO REAL KISSES. :D

The string of exams will begin tomorrow at 830am. Starting with BP, then on Thurs I will have Ethics and Socio, and finally on Sat, CB. Then I will be done with the sem! :DDDD

Exams should just start today. 1 more day of studying totally turns me off. As I'm studying, Samuel is packing up. And as I'm having exams tml, Samuel will be enjoying himself shopping/eating.

No. 1 thing to do after CB, spend quality time with Samuel. :DDDD
No. 2 thing to do, settle as many camp stuff as possible. (Eileen, arent you proud of me? HAH!)

As you can tell, I'm stalling time cause after I finish this post, the studying routine begins again. DREADS.

2 days!!
And 3 papers will be over.
And, most importantly, Baby will be back. :)
OMFG EXCITED.

When I was showering this afternoon, I discovered something very beautiful. Not on myself.

I have a habit of showering with my specs on, cause I'm afraid of the toilet monsters.

So when I opened my eyes after washing my hair, there were droplets of water on my spec lens. Then I looked towards the sunlight coming in from the window and those pretty lights (seen in the picture above) was what I saw. Thanks to the droplets of water and thanks to beautiful sunshine.

Not sure if it was cause I was half awake but it was soo beautiful. Almost surreal. I'm going to try it again tomorrow.

This blog post is absolutely useless. But then again, almost all my blog posts are useless ramblings of what was most important at that time.

HAHAHH! I wanted to find a picture of Samuel and I found this random pic. I remembered him doing something on the laptop, ignoring me, so this is what I did to him. :)

Samuel called me back just now. So poor thing he called and I was in the pissy mood. I was sad and all then he was tired and all, so clashed. But we're okay already, I'm glad I let it all out, let him know how I really felt. And I was like "Its been a very looooong time" and he "Of course, its almost a month".

Before he left whenever I told him, "you will be gone for almost a month!" and he will go "nooo, its only 3 weeks." Ha.

Taylor Swift is a bitch for singing "Speak Now".
Seriously, crashing into someone else's wedding?
What happened to the innocent image?

I have really sweet friends from yesteryears in SMU.

valerie sammificated says:
i saw alan ytd and he was thinking of catching up w u too
ERIC says:
yup sure
hahaz
yeah I was talking to him he said wanna meet up with u

HAH. Why have these people graduated so much earlier than me? People like Eric, Alan, Yihan, Jonathan. Even though I dont meet them, I know they are around.

Hate to know that you are not on the other side of the line.

Picked up the phone, dialled your number, feeling really excited.
But in the few secs, my excitement turned to dismay.
I knew you wouldnt be there.

I should be a poet or an artist.
Because I reflect alot, I observe alot, I think alot.
But sometimes I think I reflect, observe and think about nothing.
I dont know if I'm filled or I'm empty.

Sundays are days when Samuel will call me to wake me up from my naps.
I will have difficulty falling asleep cause I will be too excited to hear him later.
Then I will end up napping for a tiny short while only.

Now, when I sleep, I dont even want to wake up. I will be whiney and just roll around in bed, turning off my alarm and waking up when its dinner time.

4 more days and Samuel will be back! :)

And 5 more days till the end of exams. D:

Why doesnt it feel like my exams are coming? I think only when I step into the exam hall then I will start panicking. I've not even checked what time are my papers and where are the venues. Zero sense of urgency as usual. Horrible.

But there is still hope! Since I cannot absorb much, I decided to change strategy. I'm going to read my notes 1 million times, I'm sure even if I cannot absorb, I will still remember some stuff. Good luck man, not much time left.

I cant wait for Thurs night. I will head down to the airport with all my CB notes and mug there until Samuel comes back at 3am on Friday. I'm DAMN excited.

And I'm also DAMN excited about applying for something with Sabrina. Shalt say now, later wont come true. HAHAHHAHH! *crossing my fingers, cross cross cross* HAHHA! Thats what the bitch from my grp said during presentation in the act cute tone. It has been engraved in my head. Maybe I should ask the bitch to read out all my notes to me, then I will totally rmb them.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MJ! :D 2nd party I chionged to today. MJ is one of the longest friend in YMCA that I have and she never fails to make me feel more energetic during Y stuff so I had to chiong down. Her house is damn freaking big cannn and her garden was like the night safari, the plants damn exotic one. HA. Damn chio. So MJ is my new best friend. HAHAHH

Its nice to see all the familiar faces again but somehow, the old Y feeling is gone. Couples are formed and the family feeling disappeared. You no longer can disturb one half of the couple cause the other half of the couple will be around watching. Maybe I'm paranoid la, but thats my perception so to me, its real. But I'm still glad my friends found love. Somehow, I'm not feeling sad about the lost attachment to YMCA, I'm actually okay with it.

As what I learnt, too many friends make you depressed and I agree. I managed to fish out a few closer friends and I'm satisfied. :)

http://www.eatdrinkchic.com/post.cfm/surprise-we-got-married-part-ii-the-story-the-styling

This has got to be the prettiest thing I've ever since for quite awhile. :) If I ever have a party, I might just do it. :)))))))

PRESENTATION OVER! Sigh, mugging officially begins. D:

After presentation today, I realised half the group was feeling what I was feeling all the time during meetings. 8 in the group, I had lunch with 4 today. Ultimate bitching session manz. HAHA! I'm so glad I'm not like the only evil one. They said Im damn scary cause I hide my angst really well. :)

I really really total clash with this bitch in the group so I was generally very inactive during group meetings. I still do work privately so its not that I'm a free rider. Trust me, I dont get pissed easily. Not alot of people are bitches to me.

This morning we had a final rehearsal and I hate it when they keep talking amongst their own clique so I was like closing my eyes most of the time. I didnt want my eye-rolling to be too visible. I rolled my eyes at HER yesterday and I was risking it. So today, I decided to be nice and just sleep. HAHA. My friend still tried to wake up me but I just claim I was really tired.

And I hate it when they keep editing the slides, harping on how to present instead of what to present, hate the act cuteness (and we kept imitating HER during lunch), hate the queen bee and her followers' attitudes. So bad that they just automatically decided who to present. The rest of us didnt had a say. We should have said something la, they couldnt even present well. If I did the whole presentation by myself, I bet its even better lor.

My head swelled today. HAHAH! I was one of the presenters but my air time was like 15 secs compared to their 15 minutes la. But during my 15 secs, the audience were having the most fun. They were at least reacting by laughing, during their 15 mins, I wonder if they were even alive. Total ownage. My friend even said I did a really good job for my teeny part lor. So its not self perception. Seriously, this kind of lame cock presentation, I'm good at it. The queen bee too act cute and childish, its not for the mass market. The queen bee's followers are too normal but they had to act like they are fun people, so its damn fake. And I remembered..

SHE said "Val, when you present can you be more lively?" That was why I rolled by eyes and this was just at the tip of my tongue ready to slam her "Fuck you bitch, just you wait."

We should have voiced out our opinions, but this queen bee is really too power grabing. She needs to be in control and she doesnt listen to others. Her followers back her up too much we cannot do anything too. And during meetings, the 4 of us havent collude so we had no power as individuals.

My group didnt get top 3 for presentation, but the 4 of us were glad its all over. SHE cried. HAHAHAHH! OMG I was so happy you know. I love her misery. I heard she cried during her individual ppt too. I ponned that class so I didnt watch the show. Darns.

I portray a utra gooody two shoes image in school. Not because I dont have evil thoughts, but just because I used to be alot more impulsive and angsty so I dont want that old me back. And, I dont want to create trouble or enemies in this small SMU community.

I feel liberated from this broken group and I'm really happy. :) I'm happy I made 3 new friends from this group. :)

OMG. Meeting is wasting my fucking time. Hello people, you guys only have 2 papers to mug for, I have 4. Excuse me, wake up your idea. If you agree to do slides, do the slides at home, dont do it during meeting time.

I said I'm leaving at 3pm, so I will.

I blog so freaking much. If blogger ever close down, I'm going to sue them from ripping me away from my memories. Hard copies give me a greater sense of security.

I realised I lost alot of laughter in the recent years. Is this a form of growing up? I feel more lost about my identity now than in the past during my puberty years. Now I question myself, am I a quiet person or am I a vibrant one? I used to be sure that I was loud, colourful, crazy, funny. Now, if you ever tell my groupmates that I have a damn loud laughter or if I cannot stop talking or if I can do cheers and scream and shout or if I do the craziest things with my friends they probably think you are referring to the wrong Valerie.

If you tell my school friends that I am a quiet, conservative, passive person, they probably agree with you. I know, its sad. But what to do, no matter how hard I try, I cant seem to get out of my shell in school. I used to be someone who everyone wants to befriend cause I'm approachable. Now, I'm far from being that, it takes long for someone to really get close to me. As such, the people I'm close with are still people from my past. I've not moved on. Do I have to?

Which is the real me? The shell I created ever since sch started has been following me into my own private space. Is this shell for real? Maybe its me and not just a cover.

Identity crisis. Okay not crisis but like dilemma.

nataliedee.com.

I laughed like crazy at how pointless this drawing is. Pointless as it is, I laughed and now, I'm blogging about it. Ha. Life can be quite strange.

Hongkit's lunch.

Sometimes, I still miss my brown hair. Someone should invent some shampoo, such that after washing your hair, you get a new hair dye. And after washing it off say thrice, your hair goes back to original colour. It would be a brilliant invention.

And I shall paint my nails brilliant red (when I have the time).

I know my boyfriend loves me when he does things out of the norm.

I'm listening to Michael Learns to Rock now, its not by coincidence.

25 minutes is such a painful song. No one is happy. Not the bride, not the groom, not the man himself. D: Its just because of 25 minutes. Not 30 minutes.

I dreamt that I cheated on Samuel last night. HAHAH! I do not have any intentions to do so ah. Its merely a dream. But in the dream, it was filled with pain, sorrow, then sweet sweet love.

I dreamt that I was with another guy who went for Wallaby too. HAHAH! Of all people, I chose someone who is in Australia with Samuel too. So I went to the airport to pick my new boyfriend when he came back from Australia, I wasnt really happy when I saw my new boyfriend, I was just like oh okay, welcome home.

Then I saw Samuel. He was alone with his big bag and all. He saw me looking at him, but he turned his back on me. He looked super sad. I felt so painful seeing him like that.

I stopped holding my new boyfriend's hand and went to talk to Samuel. Samuel looked at me, and I asked him how he was. He just looked at me. Then he said he didnt want me to leave but I left him. And he looked at me with his sad sad face.

He knows this, everytime he looks at me with his poor thing face, I confirm nua. He knew about this even before the wedding video about how different horoscope affects how the wedding proposal should be done. I'm cancerian and in the video, the guy looked at her with his poor thing face, and she agreed to the marriage.

And I knew I wasnt over him, so I hugged him and my new boyfriend left. HAHAHHAH! End of story. So lame but when it was in the dream, it was so real.

I love Samuel very much. :)

Baby, you should paint my love. Its the picture of a thousand sunsets.

6 days with zero contact with Samuel. Terrible terrible.

I miss Samuel very much in such a cold weather like today. The last few times, I have been ending our phonecalls with "Come back soon k" and he will reply "Ok." Sucks, come back soon my ass. I have to survive this whole exams stress by myself.

(Buddy, I'm really a wimp. I cant not emo every other day. I have to emo.)

I know, there are many singles out there who survive everything alone. But my brain and heart have been adapted into this relationship dependency mode already. Serious drawback of being in a relationship, your mind body soul dont function by themselves.

Easiest and fastest way to make me turned off:

Act cute.

I hate it when people act cute. Maybe cause I take life too seriously, or maybe cause I have low tolerance for disgusting behaviour.

Act cute is usually mimicking high pitched voices/ mimicking accents for no reasons. And often, these voices are accompanied by act cute hand gestures.

If its in a casual fun light hearted setting, by all means. But still, have some limits.

If its in a group meeting, seriously, be serious.

Cui photo to end my 2nd Saturday without Samuel.

Went to Timbre with Kunloong to 'celebrate his bday'. HAHAH! I'm such a bad buddy seriously. I only got him a card for his bday and he even paid for the bill. CUI LA, some kind of celebration.

But it was nice just chilling and doing nothing much in today's cool breezy night. Talked about emo stuff, talked about love, talked about I dont know what.

And when the song 'Lucky' was sang by the live duet, I didnt emo too much, which was goooooood. I was emo-happy. I think its the topic about what actions make me know that my boyfriend loves me. I was thinking about all the little nice sweet things Samuel has ever did for me. Not to be cheesy but I felt 'Lucky', for real.

Thanks buddy for the long chat and the food. HA. Felt more like a celebration of my end of sem.

And Dear, I love you soooo much. :) He will be off to outfield for the next 6 days. Good luck to him and good luck to me manz. Once I'm done mugging, he will be back. So I must start mugging!!!