Valerie
Zhss, NYJC, SMU
sammificated
De Parti.

muchthanks.

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Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

HAPPY 2007!
Right......
Happy, my foot!

I'm so not looking forward to this year to arrive. (But it still did.) This year will swish away as soon as you know it. Tests and Exams all the way. To top it off, A levels will be waiting for me at the end of the year. With all that, it means that I will have lesser time to meet up with 4e2rians, no more bbq and gathering like in 2006. I will not be able to go out on long dates with Samuel anymore. I must try my best to put in my everything for the stupid A levels. Not easy, not fun but compulsory. =/

But thankfully, I had a great start for the year. Fireworks were BEAUTIFUL. Glittery night sky. It was sooo pretty, everyone was going "WAH~"=))) Fireworks right above me, I couldnt resist but to just stare at the night sky with my mouth wide open. Seriously, let me say one more time, the fireworks were BEAUTIFUL. Memorable.

I'm depressed that school's starting very soon. I dont want to go to school.
I dont want to step into Nanyang.
I dont want to go to school just hoping to leave it as soon as possible.
I dont want wear my mask again.
I dont want to look into the mirror every morning and question myself "what do I look forward to today?", knowing that the answer will be "nothing, dumb ass!"
I dont want to eat the disgusting canteen food.
I dont want to spend my everyday doing assignments, knowing that more will come the next day.
I dont want to stay alive everyday just for the sake of staying alive.
I dont want to copy notes and pay attention to things I dont like in school.
I dont want to be away from 4E2.
I dont want to feel distant from Jean again.
I dont want to be seperated from SAMUEL.

I want FREEDOM.

Let me give Thanks now. Thank you to...

1. Ah Khar and Tiying for being one of the few close friends I have in NY.
2. Jean and Yiling for still being so close to me and coming over to pei me when my family was overseas.
3. YILING for sharing all her secrets and pei-ing me out for Sakae lunch, even though it was so last minute.
4. JEAN for letting me know that despite one year of no-togetherness, we still have this hidden bond. =/
5. Yunting for the shopping trips and her telling me her poly stuff.
6. the Zhonghua people who will say hi to me in NY.
7. Timothy for keeping me company when lessons are damn boring.
8. Yiching for always cheering me on and cheering me up online.
9. Hongkit for telling me about his girl before anyone else. (shows that I'm still impt. Heh.)
10. Hek for telling me secrets as well.
11. SAMUEL for giving me the love of the world and sacrificing so much for me.
12. my family for the lil things they do for me.

Sorry for the ultimate long post. This is the 1st post in 2007 so I must make an impact. Hahahha.

Samuel is really a sweet pea. I dont know how to say this but I really feel very thankful to have him in my life. Especially in this holiday, he let me know how much I can actually be loved. Just thinking about yesterday alone can make me melt a thousand times. Hahahaha. Ask me about it.

May 2007 be less hideous.

Okay,

THE END.

This is LOVE. =)))))

The Black Gang. (It wasnt planned but everybody wore black that day.)

Kiddy Ferris Wheel ride. Hahahahha.

More pics to come when Ed sends them over. =)

I AM BACKKK!!!

I had so much fun, didnt want to leave this morning. Let me tell all my dear readers what have I been doing. =)

Day1: met Siewhoon and Lulu to do some simple shopping for food at White Sands. Quite disappointed that so few appeared on this day. But of course, we still had fun. Hekming, Edward, Jerald, Yuting came later. These were the people on this day. We played cards at night and catch up with each other. It felt damn good to be able to chat so happily with them again. Jerald was damn funny at night. He actually tried singing Tokyo Drift. Damn funnnny la. After so much chatting, we slept.

Day2: Yuting and Hek left for school. Lulu left after lunch for home. After lunch at Macs, we went shopping for food for dinner. Didnt want to have bbq as the weather wasnt good. Jerald and I were practically nuts la. "budget budget!" Hahhaha. We got budget utensils. We stole pasta from the opened packet of pasta at the supermarket as well. Damn fun. We played with the trolley as well. If Siewhoon wasnt there, we will sure be totally out of control. Hahahah. Went back to prepare dinner while watching Nemo. Delin came. I cut carrots, crab sticks and hotdogs. I nearly got slashed by the flying knife. Hahahahah. Damn dangerous la. Could have died.

SAMUEL came!!! Soon people started flowing in. It was a DRAMA night. Hahah. Hongkit's girl came as well. =)) Mahjong and tv and fooood and many photos taken. =) It was really nice to chill with 4e2rians. Mrs Ngiam came too! Soon it started to get abit late and some of us left. Yunting, SiewHoon, Lulu, Hek, Ed, Yuting, Regi, Yi Ching, Hen, Sharon, Hongkit, Hongkit's girl, Joseph, Samuel and I stayed. People in bold didnt have space to sleep. Because of......AHEM. We watched tv, went for walks, drank soup. Samuel was really sweet to a very tired me.=))

Day3: This was a tough day for me. Insufficient rest. Some of us left. Some went to buy lunch. I tried sleeping, with Samuel on another bed beside me. It was too distracting. Hahhaha. I fell asleep and the food arrived shortly. Gastric pain start working up and I didnt really eat much. After girls talk with Regi, Yiching and Siewhoon, I watched Shrek II. =/ Samuel had to go and my mood was dampened. Had pasta for dinner with LOADS of hotdogs. Watched Harry Potter and played Diadee. Yuting taught me how. I won 2 out of the few games we played. I am GOOD. Ed, Yuting, Lulu, Siewhoon and I stayed over. We wanted to keep awake but our energy level didnt allow it. Sleep....

Day4: After packing up, we left for Yiteng's house to return her stuff. Slacked around and took many many photos of her calligraphy piece on the wall. Photos will be uploaded after Ed sends them. =))))) Samuel came over to meet us to go ESCAPE! Yes, we are damn energetic la. =/ Met Nura and her guy there! Heh. Stupid Yuting bluffed me so many times. I feel dumb alr. Took rides with them, with Samuel right there with me. =) Haunted house was dumb cause Yuting kept trying to scare me but for some reason, I wasnt frightened at all. Hahaha. POWER OF LOVE. =D We took kiddy rides too. We went to YiTeng's house after that to get our stuff and to take MORE photos of the chinese calligraphy words. Hahahah. Left for home in bus 39. Fell asleep on Samuel's nice shoulder. Hahah. But once he falls asleep, I will have to wake up as he will jerk violently. =X Heh.

Thats all for these 4 days. I LOVE THESE 4 DAYS ALOT. It is really the climax of this hols for me. I get to be with my all time favourite class and I get to be with Samuel too. What more can I expect? I must thank so many people for making this chalet possible. Photos will be uploaded real soon. Next year's chalet: Malacca!! =D I love 4e2, and I always will. The real me is found in 4e2. =)))))

I'm so in love with SAMUEL. =))))))))

Happy boxing day.

Last few days have been really great for me. I must say, this is one of the BEST christmas ever! =)

Christmas eve was made sooo special by Samuel. I'm really touched that he actually went out with me despite having a sore mouth. Not only that, he got me a SUPER nice present, which made me SUPER touched. And after reading about how the present came about, I got even TOUCHED-ER. Both the presents he gave were great. Seriously, I was THIS close to crying. =/

THANK YOU SO MUCH SAMUEL dear. Hehehe. No words can describe how I feel. Samuel IS very romantic. Hahahahha. The present made me feel really close to him.

I like the presents my family gave as well. Many years since we had a Xmas tree and had presents under it. It was a joy watching Love Actually and unwrapping presents at the same time.

Love Actually is a beautiful show. =)))))

Christmas was spent with my relatives. Long time since we had such a BIG gathering out of my Ah Ma's house. We had super goood international buffet at Marina Sq. We ate for like 4 hours. Hahahah. After which we even went bowling and I must say, I'm not bad for a noob. I'm so proud of myself. After bowling we shopped and did the sand art thing at the mall. Then it was arcade. I'm not an arcade person but the kids really wanted to play there. =/ Soon after, all of them left and I went to look for Hong Kit. Long time no see. He had to pass me the class book which he kept for 1.5 years already. He's still the same old fellow. Yellow mind. Hahahah.

I'm heading to pasir ris sooon. I'm excited to see the 4e2rians again! Its not any class gathering, its a FAMILY gathering. I hope more people will go despite the rain. I want to see EVERYONE.

But I will miss Samuel. =/

Thank you Khar for bringing Tiying and I to a celebration which matters alot to you. I'm glad to be part of it. =) I got to experience things which I never did before. The candles were really prettty. Imagine a whole exhibition hall filled with only lights from the flame in everyone's hand. It was damn beautiful la. =) The after party was FUN. Games were surprisingly fun. I'm not a very game-person. Hahahha. I kena saboh-ed many times. But it was all for the fun of it. =D Food was nice. HOMECOOKED. Its was nice knowing so many new and nice people in a day. Its a pity that I might not even see them ever again.. Oh well, THANK YOU AH KHAR!! =DD Ah khar is such a brilliant name.

Of course, I cannot forget..

THANK YOU TIYING!! =DD I was really surprised by the present. She didnt tell us anything about it so when she arrived with presents, I was SURPRISED. Thank you! I've yet to open it, its under the xmas tree. Heheheh. I'm touched.

Its nice meeting Tiying and Khar yesterday. Aww, I miss those outings we had with just the 3 of us. Escaping lessons and going out to have fun... hahahaha. No more such stuff next year..

I hate school but school's gonna reopen soon. DARN.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE TO ALL! =D

To everybody: I'm fine.

I will continue worrying until the pain goes away..

My heart went through the fiercest race today from 330pm to about 530pm. Thank you, heart. I needed the blood. (It rhymes. =/ ) I kept thinking of alot of things. I'm really a thinker. I think about the process, the aftermath, the pain, the blood, the tools, the stitches, the people involved, ... I asked my Mum loads of questions today. Hahaha. Hope she didnt realise.

Okay, I shall focus on interviewing Samuel now.

I am so worried I am going to..

keep on typing till my fingers ache,
run into a wall and bang myself hard,
scream and shout until my voicebox burst,
tear my pillow into tiny cotton shreds,
squeeze the life out of tigger,
hide under the blanket and suffocate myself,
pull my hair out of my head,
lock myself in a room with no one else,
sit in a corner and bite off all my fingernails,
stay awake for the whole of next week,
eat Mac apple pies for all my meals,

and

cry.


Seriously, what an ass I am.

Today was a fruitful day. =)
Bought pretty clothes.
Bought PRESENTS.
Belinda bought her stuff too.

Met Samuel. =))))))))))

I'm going for MORE shopping tomorrow. I made a whole list of things to buy already. =D

Samuel will be going through tough ride tomorrow. Dont worry, dear. It will be over real soon, just remember what I told you to do during the op. Heheheee.

4E2's chalet is COMING!!! It will be a BLAST.

Timothy's han yu pin ying is the BEST.

"ni ji shi chai wuo shi de mei yi ye"

Guess what song. No prize though.

Here are some of my random thoughts for today,

• JEAN will be home today!
• Congrats to Tiying! *grins*
• I must go town with Belinda this week.
• I cant wait for Christmas. Spending 23rd at Khar's church. 24th with Samuel. 25th with family!
• Nicole is SO right, I am excited for 4e2's chalet. Miss them like WOAH!
• I hate hols homework, everybody please dont do your homework.
• It is raining everyday.
• Makes me miss Samuel.
• Makes me indolent as well. (new vocab!)
• I need to buy presents!!!
• I want presents too!! =/

Okay, so random.

It hurts to want everything
and nothing at the same time.

I have SO much SO much to say yesterday. But I realised there is not point blogging and ranting about it anymore.

He realised and now he understands.

Even though I am still feel that pinch in me, there is no more I can do about it.

Last night was a really tough one but he made it loads better.

He was the sweetest he could be.

How ironic.

I learnt that I could actually be such a fool, doing things out of my own will to please someone else. I FEEL STUPID.

Where did the I-am-not-born-to-fucking-please-anyone Valerie go?

I want to thank Samuel for keeping me company this week. Short, yet a very long week.

Thank you for..

1. making sure I wasnt alone most of the time.
2. reminding me to have my meals.
3. carrying the Christmas tree to my house.
4. cooking Maggie Mee for me.
5. opening the can of button mushrooms for me.
6. buying Oreo Os and chocolate milk with me.
7. talking to me on the phone until I was sleepy enough.
8. pushing me on the swing (even though he pushed so hard I could have flew off the swing.)
9. treating me to Macs at amk.
10. paying $8 for the rental of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Little Man.
11. doing the chores which I didnt want to do.
12. listening to me talk about the things I wrote in my diary about him.
13. giving me loads of hugs and kisses.
14. being so understanding towards me and not get angry with me.
15. msging me all day as if he has 5695359847823692 free smses.
16. sending me home, making sure I'm safe.
17. listening to me sing "All I want for Xmas is my 2 front teeth".
18. telling me "msg me if you cannot sleep k, I will wake up"
19. spending so much time with me.
20. giving me LOVE.

Samuel is such a dear. =)

Staying at home isnt exactly COOL all the time.
It is cool when you get to do stupid things like forgetting to bring the towel to the bathroom and running out of the toilet to get it after bathing.
It is cool when you get to eat trash and not wash any of the dishes after that.
It is cool when you get to choose your 3 meals everyday, like eating Oreo Os for dinner.
It is cool when you get to watch MTV at the maximum volume on tv.
It is cool when you get to go out whenever you feel like it, without getting any permission.

But it isnt cool when no one is at home with you when you feel like chilling at home.
Not cool when you have cramps and aches and no one knows.
Not cool when you are sick of the food outside.
Not cool when no one asks you out and you are stuck at home with nothing to do.
Not cool when you wake up in the morning, knowing that no one would have bought you breakfast.
Not cool when your boyfriend has class gathering and you are not in his class.

Oh well, my family will be back tomorrow. Hope my sister is feeling better already.

I MISS SAMUEL.
=((((((((((((((((

Let me talk about these days..

Jean and Yiling came over to stay on the 8th. FUN FUN FUN, but damn tiring. Hahaha. We became elves making christmas gifts. I think they turned out quite nice, despite it being really fragil.

Yiling cooked us supper- Maggie! Yum. Yiling was really funny cause you can notice the change in her when the night gets older. =/ She will start being super nonsensical, super noisy. Then soon, her eyes will shrink and she will kong out. =/ She was the 1st to fall asleep. heh.

Jean went for db the next morn and I went to sleep too. I still wake up earlier than Yiling. =P We went to find Jean for a lil while after her db. Then Yiling and I went SHOPPING. Heh. =)))) I LIKE THAT PWWEEETTTY DRESSS. =) Yiling bought this super cute red dress. HOT. I want that greeeeeeeen dress. I should have bought it then. Deep regrets. Heh. Christmas present for me, anyone?

The rest of the day was dinner with Samuel. I was super sleepy by then. =/

I spent the next day watching tv all day. CSI Supreme Sunday. Three episodes all at one go. I just lay at the same spot on the sofa the whole day.

Yesterday was Xmas tree cum Charlie and the Choco Factory cum Little Man day. Heheheh. =) Oh and there was also nice Maggie Mee.

Today will be a slacking day. I WANT SHOPPPING. =/

Eyes in a slit,
hands lost its grip.
Throat dried and sore,
lips wrinkled and tore.
Motion lost its momentum,
movement's no longer firm.

Sleep now, my child,
and let me guide you home...

Why cant time pass more quickly in this moment of loneliness..

SAMUEL WAKE UP!!!

OH MY LOVE~
Oh so painful when I had to see it all come to an end..
The fellowship of the ring.
The two towers.
The return of the king.
How it hurts so badly to face reality..
The trilogy has come to a fullstop.
I gotten over it after ages but Channel 5 has to rekindle this flame of mine.
As I indulged in every moment of the show, I came to realise that it has to end.

I cant expect Frodo and Sam to go on their torturous journey with the ring.
I cant expect Pippin and Merry to be seperated any longer.
I cant expect Aragon, Legolas and Gimli to go on risking their lives.
I cant expect Gandulf to use up his energry saving everyone.
I cant expect Gollum to keep saying "My Precious~"

Before I put the journey behind, let us reminisce moments of it.

Snapshots of the trilogy, The Lord Of The Rings.


Aragon.


Legolas. (=


Gimli.


Gandulf.


Frodo.


Sam.


Pippin.


Merry.


Gollum.

I must now let this adventure fade away.

Love's Senses.

This stark coldness,
ever repeating verse.
Stagnant feelings,
Heart's constant beatings.
Hiding from the light,
tears flowing this very night.
Drops of salty water,
spirits all on a stir.
Love with a pinch of bitterness,
unquenching moment of thirst.
A cacophony of emotions,
no comprehension.
Living in silence all day,
future's for you to lay.
Can't face the truth...
Love has lost its groove.

Valerie.

"O Love, where art thou when I need thee most.."
How true.

I have loads to blog about.. So bear with me..

Firstly on the visits to the senior citizens' home. I love this Ah Ma there. Shes damn cute la. Shes so smiley all the time and she looks like JEAN. Hahahha. I really like her. Its like just looking at her makes me happy. Hahahha. Took photos of her yesterday. =) We sang songs for them yesterday. It was kinda fun cause some of them responded and they were clapping and smiling as we sang. =DD Seriously, I dont mind singing for them all over again.

Y.M.C.A Arts thing for the intellectually disabled today was FUN. Heheheh. But Tiying and I and our group had this kinda difficult client. (as what they are known as there) He was really doing his own thing la. He even drew on his head, so his hair had spots of orange and yellow from the paint markers. Poor Tiying and our new friend had sacrificed their hands for him to draw on. Hehehe. Tiying! For a good cause k..hhahaha. Made a few new friends today. They were all nice people. There was this RSAF Malay guy and a guy who just graduated from Tp, Visual Com. The course which I wanted to go to after Os. Oh well, seeing him makes me regret going to Nyjc. =/ But Tiying says: If you go then you wont know us already! =D

There was this pungent stench of fart today as well. Hahahaha. DAMN SMELLY.

Yes, and today I did another good deed. I helped more love to blossom between Tiying and CL. It was damn exciting. I wonder if they are decorating the Xmas tree now. We went to buy a small Xmas tree and decorations for the tree. Helped Tiying with the stuff all the way to Hougang. =))) SO FUN. I want to decorate Christmas trees too.....

Took a looooooooong bus trip home, on purpose. It was an emo ride but thankfully, I had people msging me.

TiMOLE is making me feel better. Thank you Shi Fu. =/



Finally, when tears run dry,
we'll compromise a goodbye.