Valerie
Zhss, NYJC, SMU
sammificated
De Parti.

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Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

Melts and melts and melts again.

"Every night she cry herself to sleep
Thinking, "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you"

All hail the brilliance of Maroon 5. =DDD

How nice if Samuel sings this to me whenever we quarrel. Hahaha.

I'm such a loser.
I so need to get out of the house and breathe some fresh air.

Why wont you take me out?

Hows revision for As? Seriously, I really dont know. Not sure if I'm doing enough, not sure what is enough. Oh well, I really hope A levels will not so tough.

Days just pass blindly before me. I just wake up everyday to study. I slp every night to recharge for more studying the next day. And suddenly, I'm like 9 days to my As. Beautiful. How I wish time just continue to zoom by and just let me wake up tomorrow to realise that the As are completely gone. Awesome. =DD

After the As, I'm going to going to meet up with as many people as I can. I'm going to maximise the amount of time spent with Samuel. Then I'm going to have fun taking up courses and learning new stuff. And I'm going to do my hair and look pretty for prom. More shopping and more YMCA. More of everything, less of studying.

As I continue typing, I FREAKING WASTING MY TIME.
OKAY! I MUST STUDY.

Life after As will be much better. All this isolation and hard work will be paid off. I can do it. Exactly one more month plus one day and it is all over.

I'm so glad I have Samuel.



but still,
I feeeeeeel like a lonely soul now.......................................................................

After studying.

After studying globalisation, I feel that I share a common trait with new age TNCS. We are 'lean and mean'. Hahahahahaa. Okay, ignore this if you dont take geog.

I'M BACKKKKKKKKK!!
I've been studying and falling ill. Its a terrible terrible combination. You want to study but somehow or another, you just keep feeling dizzy and weak. You tell yourself you can do it and its all in the mind, but you know that your body will refuse to obey. Thats life for me for the last few days.

And ya, seriously, I think I'm not doing enough preparation for As. For O levels, I did the tys until the pages fell out, I did other school papers (cause they were all compulsory homework). But now, I've not done any papers!! Must I do them? I'm only doing revision. Is it enough? Ahhh, this is killing me.

So much conflict in me.

But on top of all the anxiety and hair-pulling thoughts, I've managed to finish reading through econs and math. I'll revise them all over again few days before the papers. I'm damn eager to finish revising geog.

And despite being in ultimate isolation and being a one-man-island for quite sometime, I went for Math (and the paper was so tough!) and Samuel came to visit poor me ytd. He's even better than the doctor, he just have to smile at me and WHOO, I feel recharged all over again.

Samuel was really cute yesterday. =))))) He's quite hot too. HAHAHA. Okay nvm.

Thats it, I have only 45 mins more of break. Hope to be back in virtual world soon.

This is the 3rd post but it is to motivate me.
Here's the list of things I wanna do after As. =)))

1. Dye my hair blueblack.
2. Shop for Prom for the very 1st time.
3. Go to the Flea market every 1st and 3rd Sat.
4. Learn driving and pass it asap.
5. Help out more at YMCA with Tiying and Khar.
6. Get a job in a happy place.
7. Pitchblack.
8. SHOPPPING.
9. Learn dress making.
10. Eat lots of icecream.
11. Stare at the sea in Samuel's arms. (HAHA.)
12. Meet up with Andrew and Hongkit.
13. Go out and have fun with Aud, Lulu, Sh, Ed, Yt. (No more mugging!)
14. Eat good food with Belinda and Yunting.
15. Make Christmas presents with Jean and Yiling.
16. Horror Movie Marathon.
17. Sleep-overs.
18. Class gatherings!
19. Meet up with people I miss.
20. Try out everything at Starbucks.

Okay. Shall stop here. This list is infinite.

I realised, once I start my revision, I tend to be really angry and frustrated over small things. I dont like this angry monster in me, but I cant control it. And when I let it out, I tend to regret the next moment.

There's like a time bomb ticking in me, it just keeps ticking and only when I finish revision, then I'll be able to stop the bomb. If I dont finish, I'll just explode into bits. So if I slack, I feel as if I'm just wasting my time away, I should be trying to prevent the explosion. If I slack, its like courting my own death. But the other side of me just wants to let go and let myself rest in peace.

Thank you very much, the radio is playing "Before Its Too Late" by Goo Goo Dolls.

The screw in me is getting looser by the minute. This conflict is driving me insane.

If today is Friday, there will be exactly 40days to freedom. Just hope that I dont let my instincts overcome my heart and mind during this time frame.

I went for Y-reading on Saturday. I dare say: Tiying and Khar must be JEALOUS of me. HAHAHA. So this blog entry is to update the 2 of them.

Firstly, we've been replaced by J1 RJ ppl and ITE students. All so foreign. Except for Christopher, Yiwei and Hui Li, I dont know anyone else. After As, WE MUST GO BACK AND RESUME OUR HIGH POSTS. =X Hahaha. The way they talk to me, I bet they think I was a lil' kid who is new and ignorant. Pauline was so nice to even introduce me on the bus, make me sound so great.

Group A, C and D were in the big room while group B was in a isolated new room. Chris was in charge of B. Yiwei in charge of group C (and D). Group A was kinda ran by foreign students, and Hui Li. I must say, Yiwei is reallllly good. He handled the group(s) so well. Khar! We must have been great shifus.

Oh and dont worry khar and tiying, the beneficiaries can really remember me, so they will rmb you guys too. Its soooo nice to have beneficiaries asking for you to accompany them. The feeling is really overwhelming.

And we went out to Macs to eat for the 1st time. They were so happy walking there. (The weather was actually VERY HOT!) The Macs was so crowded but the mac ppl really efficient, they tried to move people to give us space. Most of the people were cooperative and nice. Had a hard time moving those on wheelchairs but it turned out great. Everyone had space to eat happily. And cause they were instructed to bring money to buy food, they were all so proud to have like $2 or $5 notes with them. Hehehe. =D

Yup, and the vans came to pick them up.

Pauline asked us to return to society soon. Hui Li asked us to JIAYOU. Yiwei asked us (Khar) to go back and be leaders soon.

AHHHHHHHHHH. I cant wait to head back toooooo. I miss YMCA friends and beneficiaries. =((((((((

I'm in a very gay mood now (aftermath of yesterday).

I'm really thankful to have Samuel in my life. Some started off thinking that I wasnt good enough for him, while some felt the other way. There were so many love rivals to handle and so many secrets to keep then. But as I move on in this timeless relationship, I realised that all of these were over. We still have disagreements, quite frequently (I bet you couldnt tell), but we still managed to get over all of them very quickly.

Okay, I dont know how this post will continue as I'm just typing out my random thoughts.

Its like the small little things Samuel does that make me think of it over and over again.

Just like yesterday; I used 2 packets of sugar in my tea and got him to get 2 more for me. But he refused and said he will only take one more pack for me. His reason was cause sugar is bad for me. I felt quite touched but the way he cares for my health (all the time) so I gave in. So he gave me one packet of sugar. After convincing me that it was sweet enough, he took out the other packet that he took. Hehehe. So he actually took 2 packets, cause I asked for 2.

Okay, that might have sounded dumb to you but at least its sweet to me. Sweeter than packets of sugar.

And like when I told him yesterday that he didnt have to wait for me, he said okay. I told him that he was actually supposed to insist that he will wait for me. In the end, he really did. He waited 3 hours for my tuition to end.

And the way he carries his laptop, my shopping bag, and helps me massage my back at the same time.

And how he forces me to say "GIVE UP!" before he tells me the ans to a riddle.

And they way he looks at me when he wants to order anything fried or cold (hes having a cough and he knows that I will not agree to it.) and he will come out with some excuses like "I never drink cold drink for 2 weeks alr!" and I know it is a lie.

Okay. I have so much more to say but I guess some things should be left in our memories only.

May love fill your hearts like how a song gets stuck in your mind for a very long time.

When you see something that is not meant for you to see, you will realise how much you mean to the person and how much hurt you can actually incur.

Since I have the power to hurt, I must learn how to control it.

The world is NEVER a fair place.
FAIRNESS and EQUALITY can NEVER be achieved.
The reason is clear and obvious.
Who is the one to say what is fair and equal?
Human beings.
Human beings are subjective people and are biased by nature.
There is evidence everwhere.
My parents are a great example.
"Give and Take." Sure.
I give, you take.
Whatever I do is wrong, whatever my siblings do are right.
When my sister is studying, the whole house has to shut up.
When I'm studying, who cares anyway, the noiser the better.
Whatever I say is bullcrap, whatever they say is taken more seriously than the newspapers.
When my brother talks nonsense, everyone believes and worships it.
When I say something, everyone doubts and ignores it.
You may just diagnose me as a teenager rebellion.
But the feelings are real to me and thats all that counts, to me.

Its been a long time since I blogged this word but I shall use it today.
I shall even bold it.
Fuck and screw the world.

I feel like a cow, working from morning till night.

How come even after the syllabus got cut, I still feel super busy? I'm stuffing myself with GEOGRAPHY again. Yes, I kinda like geog, but too much geog is like suicide in paper form.

I decided to blog as I was trying to find an excuse to not indulge in my notes now. I really cant bring myself to mug. It must be the weather, or perhaps its the time. Maybe I ate too much for dinner, making me lazy now. Or maybe its cause I've been a good girl doing case studies in school just now, so I'm just tired.

NONSENSE. I'M GOING TO STUDY NOW!!!!!!!!
Just conquer earthquakes and volcanoes tonight. Its a small part of plate tech and I can do it really quickly. Then I can be on target and wont find it hard to keep up with my timetable. Then I can show off to Tiying for mugging tonight. Then Khar will go "You siao one lor~ So fast!" Yes yes. I can do it. Its just a matter of mugging for 3 hrs. Small deal.

Okay, shall quit escaping my notes alr.

HELLO NOTES!
GOODBYE HAPPY VIRTUAL WORLD!