Valerie
Zhss, NYJC, SMU
sammificated
De Parti.

muchthanks.

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Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

I'm just a mere victim of the curse of modern man.

Dont worry people, I'm perfectly sound. I'm just beginning to communicate to my inner self. Reflection is the key to progress.

I hope life will be able to be as simple as it was before. I'm happy and so are you.

From the results of oscar.nie.edu.sg, I've came to realise that: I'm FUCKING wasting my time in JC. The education I am in now will not lead me to smoothly to the jobs they recommend. Now, dont you think its time I pluck up all my courage and withdraw from school? I seriously think so.

"Dreams are all forgotten, memories all turned rotten..."

I hate this world of unrealness. Its like no one really exist as when they appear to be. NO. What you see are just masks and disguise. I'm alone in this world of misery, a world of hopelessness, a world of darkness. Okay, maybe I can afford to bring a few people into my world.

"I am not alone but I am lonely" words of wisdom from Jean. =/

Love is crowding away by anger and hatred and insensitivity. I am starting to doubt the sincerity of everyone. Am I just an object of entertainment? Am I there for a purpose, a concrete purpose that no one else can replace?





Now, let me be undiscovered and unknown.

I just miss the old days where everyone needs everyone and will be willing to go the distance for everyone. I miss the times when everyone will stand up for each other and help each other up in times of difficulties. Now, love has stepped aside and competition has taken its place.

I miss hanging around with the real Jean and Yiling.
I miss mugging with Yuting, Siewhoon, Aud, Ed, Lulu. =((((((
I miss spending the entire day with Samuel. (Long time since we did that.)
I miss Andrew and Hongkit.
I miss tuition people.
i miss zhss.

This is just my own perspective, if you dont agree, its really okay.

I guess man is the worst creature on earth. We can never be satisfied. When people say "I'm happy" soon they will start thinking "Am I really that happy?" There is no such a word as content. Perhaps, not for me. Ask yourself, are you really satisfied with your life now, cant it be BETTER?

If you have a million dollars, wouldnt a billion dollars make you richer?
If you have 24 hours, dont you want 48 hours instead?
If you get an A for a subject, wouldnt you be smarter to get straight As?
If you get a boyfriend, how nice if he's HOT?
If you've bought a nice dress, dont you want to look better with matching heels?
If you've got 5 friends, is it enough compared to a whole school of friends?
If you've studied 100 chapters of geography, wouldnt 1000 chapters prove you more hardworking?
If you have delicious nasi lemak to eat, wont nuggets and otah sound great?
If you pon 1 lesson successfully, dont you want to pon the whole day?


I skipped school today.
When you are happy, you want to be happier.

Content is bliss.

On this beautiful night, make everything right, My Beautiful Love.

The fashion section of the Singapore Museum was COOL. I LIKE THE STUFF THERE. I was so tempted to grab an axe and rob the museum. =/ Today's outing was really tiring though. Initiative is what they lack, unfortunately.

Service learning was scary at first. But soon the ice broke after everyone introduced themselves and described an item that best describes service learning. I described my camera. Okay, it was like a thought-on-the-spot thing. Same as Hui Li, Tiying, Yinghui and many others. Hahaha. We were unprepared.

Time kinda passed quite quickly after the break. That was good. Hahaha.

Pauline is going to get YMCA tshirts for us! YEAH.

RED.
Passion, love, jewels.

But in my case, its totally different.
Imagine bloodshot red instead.
Imagine pain and agony instead.
Imagine SORE EYES instead.

Being oh so considerate, I skipped school today. Seriously, I was too ugly to face the world. The cashier at Prime Mart didnt even smile at me when I paid for the magazine. Ah, I must recover by tomorrow. I dont care, I must face the society tomorrow.

"Keep your hands off my girl! Keep your hands off my girl!" Radio's playing it and it reminds me of singing it in a Ben and Jerry's last sat. Hahahah.

I've yet to do tutorial 6 for physical geog. I just wish to forget all about it.

Doc says I cant use the com, watch tv or read much. How is that possible? So, I watched tv. I'm using the com now. But since the doc said I cant read, so I decided not to. =) Denial.

I seriously hope my beautiful eyes will be back tomorrow. I must wear specs for the next few days though....

Fucked up stress feeling.
Homework homework more homework. No life. No enjoyment.
Having to live this kind of life everyday is such a chore.
Fucked up jc life is biting me away.
I feel like I'm being swallowed up by this overwhelming stress.
No complaints, I chose this path of life. Ironic, this isnt life.

How nice if I can just lie in bed one night, knowing that I've absolutely nothing to worry about the next day. I'll be more than excited to wake up to a bright and beautiful morning. Let the singing of the birds embrace me, let the soft smell of dew drops caress me, let the sunlight of dawn shine on me.

But now, every night when I lie in bed, I just feel like sleeping forever. I dont want to fall asleep, I dont want to wake up in trepidation. Whats the point of waking up the next day, when tomorrow will just like today and yesterday and the day before. Where did the real tomorrow went to? I want enjoyment, entertainment, excitement. Why cant I live the life I want since this is MY life?

I am just floating on this stormy sea, going to whereever the waves want me to. Who knows, perhaps I'll just sink and die tomorrow. But yet again, is tomorrow really tomorrow? Or will tomorrow just be another day for me to struggle to stay afloat?

Vicious cycle of the poverty of one's mind. Its the riches of life I lack. The little bits of joy and wonder are just no longer there. What is left is just the aching brain.

There was this funny conversation made during dinner last night..

Ed: My classroom has rotten eggs.. Damn smelly..
Aud: How to open a locker ar?
Everyone: Probablity of &(%^#$^@#&@)&)$^#)% (some math thing)
I: If we are wearing our muggy shirt now and ppl hear us talking math, they sure throw rotten eggs at us!
Everyone: Audrey, why you ask leh?
Aud: I want to hack a locker and put rotten eggs inside.

Okay. I think its funny cause its all because of rotten eggs. =/

YMCA.
Aud, Ed, Yiling and Samuel went! But Samuel was far too tired for it. Sad.

Went for lunch then MUGGY TIME! The muggy club: Aud, Ed, Siewhoon, Lulu, Yuting and I went to Ben and Jerry's at the Cathay. I finally watched "Candyman" MTV. SMOKING HOT. Its damn nicee la. If I'm a guy, my nose will bleed. Hahahah.

I did Geog after Geog. Thanks to Edward's HOLY BIBLE OF GEOGRAPHY, or else I might not be able to do my essay question. Everyone was really hardworking. Oh yes, and Lulu is the math god. Hahahah. Just pray to her and have your math wishes come true.

After mugging till 8, we left for dinner. =)

We're going to watch Spiderman 3 on the 1st weekend of May. Then, Aud and I will buy a N.U.M shirt. Its a deal! =)) Its like a day-out for the muggers. Exciting exciting. I love having things to look forward to, makes time pass faster. We might even start planning for a muggy club shirt! Hahahaa. How fun mugging can actually be.

I cant wait to see all of them again!

May these 2 weeks rot away quickly.

I like yesterday and today. =)

Yesterday:
Met Aud at 12+pm to go to amk mac to mug. Siewhoon joined us shortly. Amazingly, Ive completed all my homework and I'm damn proud of myself. Ed came and the manager chased us out of Mac. Hahaha. So we went to another amk mac. Mugging there was quite bad. I still think the lights are too dim, too romantic. I went to meet Samuel for dinner after that.

Today:
YMCA!!! Y-stars!! Tiying and I got a really tough client today. We got whacked and pinched. Hahaha. I got whacked damn hard on my back la. =/ But Tiying got pinched harder. It was tough to be drowned with "NO!" all the time. We got rejected by her soooo many times la. SO depressing. =/

After that, I met Aud and we went to Burger King to mug. Siewhoon came, with TIMOTHY!! AHHH. hahaha. Ed came too and we chatted about JC life. TImothy left and we continued mugging. Yuting came later and I left at about 545pm. Hanshen and his girl dropped by and DAMN, I didnt get to see. Hahah. But I'll see hs soon, durign Y-reading next week!

I love these 2 days so much because, I finally get to be totally me again. Just pouring all the fuck out without any restrictions. I LOVE THEM. =) I'm so glad that not only did our friendship maintained, it actually got better. I feel much closer to them now. MUGGERS! Lets go mugging again soooon!!!

Audrey! We must get our hair coloured after As, make everyone jealous of our spunky hairdos! Hahaha. But for now, we must MUG MUG MUG k? Get A for Lit and Econs!

Siewhoon! Master vectors hor! Dont keep saying "die liao laa" Hahaha. You can do it!

Ed! Have fun doing your math paper, which I totally not understand at all. Hah. We should exchange Geog knowledge soon!

Yt! I still insist that the red jersey is nicer. Hahahah. =/

I love the muggy club. Hahahaha.

Tomorrow will be a fun day too!!!!! Going to see HOT Samuel and going to Khar's church event. Happy easter! =)

PARTEEE


Aud and I


Masquerade- costume search


Angels from HELL. Hahahahah.


-


Elvis wannabe. (Sry! lazy to rotate!)


mice. Haha.


King Tiying. (I'm still too lazy to rotate photo)


Mask!


Boots and belts!


Shades


Tiying with huge green glasses.


My very cute cousin who is flying back to norway tml.


The scary side.


Slacker AUD!


Aud! this is the hair I'm talking about. hahaha.

From dislike to disgust to distaste.

Some people should just get their lives out of mine cause there is simply no space for them.
Some people just dont know when you shut up cause my ears are too sick of your voice.
Some people just cannot control their actions cause they seek too much attention.
Some people should just get their asses away and go live in the hills with the monkeys.
Some people just cannot stop complaining because they think they deserve better.
Some people just wouldnt know when to stop whining because they yearn for others' pity.
Some people should just leave before I grab a knife and stab them.

YOU are who I am referring to. Hint: You like to attract attention.

I'm perfectly sound but the inner me just have to surface, this time.
I would love to stand up tall and proud one day, yelling at the top of my lungs, going "YO BLOODY BITCH! STOP TALKING BEFORE I STITCH YOUR MOUTH UP!".

Then I'll grin widely and whisper to myself "Vosh, you are back. You finally expressed how you feel."

Welcome to my world. Muahahahahahaaaaa!!!!!!