my eyes should be camera shutters

Slow down.

Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

Monday, March 31, 2008!

HandWritten on; 7:33 PM

IMPULSE IMPULSE. I was actually so impulsive in the previous post. It happened in a super short while and check out the no. of times I used "Fu*k". Haiya, as if by censoring you wouldnt know what word is that.

So yes, I'm ready to quit my job and start a new page of my life. =) One that requires me to work longer hours and more days. Oh well, at least its an upgrade from my job now and it gives me satisfaction and erh, I'm working at town. I'm an uptown girl okay. HAHAHA.

And it involves my hobby of voluntary work. Mother of all ironies, I will be paid.

YEAHHHHH GOING OUT WITH BOYFRIEND TODAY!

Saturday, March 29, 2008!

HandWritten on; 8:39 AM

Readers' Discretion Advised. (M-18) (Sexual imagery, violence, gore)

BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOODY FUCKINGGGGGGGG BITCH!!!
SOME BLACK BITCH CALLED ME STOOOPID TODAY.
BLACK BITCH. ALLITERATION MEANT FOR THE RETARD.

*Quality Home Tuition*
"We make a difference in ur child's results" PUI! WTFFFFFFFUCK!!! MAKE YOUR RESULTS DROP INTO THE DARK! <>BEST tutors in town!!!<> K1-JC2* All Subjects* All Areas Resonable rates !!! Results guaranteed !!! TUITIONMASTERS

98501625.

By showing the number here, it has dual purposes. No.1 DONT CALL THIS FOR REAL. No.2 CALL IT FOR FUN!! IRRITATE THE CRAZY BITCH. I will donate 10cents to charity for every call you make. Help the needy!

FIRST I CALLED THIS BLOODY AGENCY TO ASK ABT TUITION. THEN THIS BLOOOODY BITCH ANSWERED AND SPOKE FOREIGN LANGUAGE TO ME. I BLOOODY FUCK DONT UNDERSTAND SO I PUT DOWN THE PHONE. (I was very nice and polite.)

THEN 1115 PM(!!) SHE DECIDED TO CALL ME AND ASK FOR MY HUSBAND, who doesnt exist. I SAID I GOT NO HUSBAND, BUT SHE INSISTED THAT I HAVE ONE. CRAZY PIECE OF SHIT. THEN SHE INSISTED ABT TUITION.

THEN I SAID I CHANGE MY MIND ABT TUITION (I was still super polite.) AND SHE SAID...

"YOU VEH STOOPID TO CHGE UR MIND!" SHE BARKED IT SUPER RUDELY AND CRUDELY AND DARKLY AND KUP MY PHONE!

BITTTTTTTCHHHHHHHHHHH! ACTUALLY I DIDNT CHANGE MY MIND, I HAVENT EVEN DECIDED. YOUR BLOODY DIRTY NUMBER IS FOR ENQUIRES NOT CONFIRMATION. YOUR FREAKING LOW CLASS ATTITUDE NEEDS WASHING UP.

SHE WAS BEING SO DARK I HAD TO RETURN THE CALL AND ASK HER TO NOT BE SO RUDE. I SHOULD HAVE DEMANDED HER TO SEEK HELP TO SEE THE LIGHT. AND SHE FUCKING PRETENDED SHE DONT KNOW ME. YOU CALLED ME A SPLIT SEC AGO LA!! BITCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

AND SHE SAID:
"BYE LA BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE!" AND KUP MY PHONE THE 2ND BLOOOODY TIME. SUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

AND I DECIDED SHE DESERVES A MSG SAYING "BITCH." ACTUALLY, SHE DESERVES A WHOLE LOT MORE OF GOODIES. I HAVE AN ENTIRE MIND OF THEM NOW.

FUCKKKKKKKKINGGGGGGGGG BITCH. IF YOU ARE DESPERATE TO FIND A HUSBAND, DONT ADVERTISE AS TUITION BUT ADVERTISE AS "LOOKING FOR DUCK (PUN INTENDED.)" GO BACK INTO YOUR MUM'S ARSE AND LIVE IN THE DARK, WHERE YOU BELONG! YOU ARE THE UGLY DIRT THAT HAS BEEN RUBBED UNDER MY FEEEEEET SINCE THE DARK ERA. DARKNESS ENGULFED YOU. NOW I KNOW WHY YOU NEED TO CALL ME AT NIGHT. ITS ONLY NOW THAT YOUR BATT IS CHARGED.

AND IF YOU WANT TO SEDUCE SOMEONE, ITS NOT MY HUSBAND YOU SHOULD. GO TO THE PIGS' FARM AND GET YOUR PARTNER. THE TYPE THAT STINKS AND ROLLS IN THE MUD TILL IT TURNS SHIT-COLOUR. (I'm so sorry, pigs.)

I SO WANT TO SHOVE UP A FORK INTO YOUR #(%^^$)@^ AND STUFF ANTS INTO YOUR #*)^$)^@$). AND MAKE YOU SWALLOW DOWN A LIGHT STICK. I WILL GRIND CHILLIS AND RUB THEN ON YOUR EYEBALLS. THEN I WILL SOAK YOUR WOUNDS IN SALT WATER AND BATHE YOU FURTHER IN MINT. I WILL BREAK YOUR BACK AND TEAR YOUR LIMBS.

ONE MORE MSG/ CALL FROM HER AND SHE WILL KNOW HOW SHARP MY TONGUE CAN BE. BRING IT ON SHADOWY SISTER.

IF I HAVE THE FREAKING ADDRESS OF THIS FAKE AGENCY, I WILL GIVE IT ALL THE LIGHT IT NEEDS. IGNITE THE DARK!! BURN BURN BURNNNN!! TRUST ME, YOU WONT WANT ME TO HAVE THE ADDRESS. I WILL BRING MY BLADES OF FIERY THERE AND TEAR YOU APART.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
SCREW YOU (WITH A TREE TRUNK), BITCH.

Friday, March 28, 2008!

HandWritten on; 2:08 AM

Got the whole world in my hands.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008!

HandWritten on; 11:01 AM

I upgraded my Engrish today. =D Talked alot to the crazy woman today. Its like Im so glad our frequency is similar enough for her to understand the shit things that I say. Its like not everyone is interested to listen to things I say, things like my wedding on a big pretty ship and things like how irritating some people can be. But its cool how I can relate all my nonsense to her. And yes my Mind is the World. Hahahaha!

Oh and I dig the new starbucks drink Audrey introduced. =D

Word of the day: Shtup.

Form: Verb

Eg that Aud gives: "I would like to shtup you."

Meaning: (DONT ASK!)

HandWritten on; 10:08 AM

Warning: This post is by a crazy fan who is currently still very crazy.

I wont go home without you...

COME BACK MAROON 5!!! =(( I'm super depressed and suffering from severe post-concert depression.

The concert was a blast, to me. Seriously, I totally regret not buying the $185 one when I first knew that they were coming. DAMN ME. The whole thing feels so unreal to me now. It feels like I've not been to the concert at all. It was all just a really gooooood dream.

Adam Levine was Da BOMB. Just a plain white tee and he looks so good alr. AHHH. His voice is the kind that will make me anemic. He just knows how to make me so hyped up yet so mellowed down. He hit the notes so well and captured that special feeling in me. The songs just cant stop ringing in my head now. And when he sang "Better That We Break", he sang it like how I felt whenever my relationship didnt go well. So painful, yet so very beautiful. Thanks for singing my emotions out so that I can hear them. Thanks for singing the songs I love and feel for.

OH MY GAWD. I still cant believe I WAS so close to them, but not anymore. =(

Thank You Maroon 5 for coming. COME BACK SOOOOOOON! =(((

Monday, March 24, 2008!

HandWritten on; 9:14 PM

Bad news: The wire is my mouth is protruding out and my dentist is overseas. GREAT!

Good news (here goes..):
OH MY F-ING GAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!! I'M ACTUALLY GOING FOR MAROON 5'S CONCERT TONIGHT.YES BABY! TONIGHT, 8PM AT THE INDOOR STADIUM. I'M GOING TO FAINT AND COLLAPSE DEAD.

Here's the story. I always wanted to go for the concert once I heard about it. What pulled me back was the hefty price and who to go with. After quite a while, one of the problems were solved, Pauline wants to go with me! Then it was the price. So I decided that if I do well in my As, I will reward myself. And yes I did well! Feeling super excited, Pauline and I went on to sistic.com. To my ultimate dismay, the good tix were all out. Damn sad and pissed but I thought it was fate. =/

AND THEN CAME ALONG SEEHWEE. She asked me on her blog if I wanted tix. Omg. Her sister's friend had tix. FAINTS..

And on this fine morning, I bought a pair of $152 tix for $102. (booking fees included.) Okay, I sound so calm.

NOOOOOOOO I'M DAMN EXCITED AND JITTERY NOW.

What am I going to wearrrrrrrrrr??? I must charge my camera batt NOW! AHHHHHH!!! Omg. Its like OMFG. The concert is tonight and I just got hold of tix. OMG. I really hope her friend meant what she said. I'm going to meet her later to grab the tix. HAHHAHA.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. =/

Breatheeeeeeee...

I'm typing so irrationally now. I cant think right. My whole mind is on the atmosphere tonight, the live music, the flashing spotlights, the band.

But dont worry, I wont faint cause its fixed seating at the stadium. Aww. No mosh pits.

Okay enough enough!

HandWritten on; 12:31 PM

And I'd give up forever to touch you
cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
and I don't want to go home right now.
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life.
When sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight

Thanks to Goo Goo Dolls, I'm sinking in again. I'm sinking into no ordinary mood. I feel super loved now. I am one lucky girl. On top of all the great friends and family I have, Samuel has been such a dear in my life.

I may not look like a person who is super reliant and super in love with my boyfriend but let me tell you, I am. Okay I think there are a few of you who knows how GAY I can be. HAHAH. =/

Seriously, I never regret doing stupid things in Sec School to attract his attention. (I succeeded.) No idea how but suddenly, I got myself a... BOYFRIEND at a tender age of 15? Its like the forbidden fruit then.

My relationship with Samuel has not been exactly a very smooth sailing one. To tell you the truth, it is VERY FAR from it. Perhaps its the differences between us. The differences are very obvious if you know us both. I'm sure from the start, many people thought we wouldnt last that long. He's an athlete, I'm not. He's thrifty, I'm erh, super spendthrift. He listens to chinese songs, I listen to english ones. He's a very responsible person, I'm very heck-care. Now you see, even things like "should I pon school?" or "can you pon wushu?" can lead to an argument between us.

But of course, our quarrels seldom last longer than one night. Cause everytime when I get angry with him, I feel like shit.

So, its been a long journey- From the time when we got over our 1st date (which we got stalked), our 1st physical contact (which happened in front of Jean and Yiling, which made me scream.)and our 1st quarrel to the time when we took on different routes after Olevels, and it got tougher for us to meet up. And these 2 years of me JC, him Poly, many many many quarrels happened, esp when I get mood swings. I may be very excited for school to start all over again, but the other part of me wants to stay put.

Things will get really difficult. I will be going on to my Uni life, while he goes to NS soon. It feels like I will be at the North Pole and he will be at the South.

Life just has to make a fool out of people. Its like we were in the same class in Sec 1/2, but at that time, I dont even know how he was. So since Sec 3, we were never been able to study close to each other and thats when the differences widened.

No matter what happens, I will continue trying to keep the flame alive. The truth is, for the last few weeks, I've not been a good girlfriend. I have been too caught up with new fun stuff that I neglected the other type of fun. I'm glad Samuel gave me the chance to go back or else, I really wonder what I would be now. =(

Gwen Stefanie sings on the radio "I'm so sorry that I've fallen. Help me up, lets keep on running.." (great timing.)

To me, the no. 1 paradox in love is that the longer that you are in a relationship, the scarier and riskier it becomes. Now that I've spent a good 3years with him, just imagine, one day when I need to forget everything I had and pretend it didnt happen. I need to clear all the stuff he gave me. I need to throw my hp away. I even need to dump the toys that have been sleeping with me. How am I supposed to fall asleep ever again. =/

Its like Samuel is one of the only ones who know me so well that he knows which acupoints on my backbone he needs to press when I have a terrible backache. =D

Who else will be able to handle my temper and nonsense for 3 years?

Oh my gawd. Its 4.30am now.

Okay enough. I LOVE SAMUEL. I'm so tempted to msg him until he wakes up but I shall be nice and not do that. =)

HandWritten on; 12:05 PM

Check out how hip my CCA is. =DD

Sunday, March 23, 2008!

HandWritten on; 8:49 PM

YEAHH I've survived 2.5 days at work. =DDD WORK SUCKS BIG TIME. Hate wasting my time sitting in the shop. Is 1 hour of my life just worth $6??? No way. So I shall muster up courage to quit and take up dozens of upgrading courses. Say Bye to the idle Valerie.

Okay so I took half day leave ytd, because.. I was sick. HAHAHHA. Okay, I went out with Pauline and Tiying. =/

Erh, enjoy the beautiful photos below. HAHAHA.

Wang, please update me on which website I am supposed to post these photos on.

I missssssss Samuel.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008!

HandWritten on; 7:30 AM

Good job cause I've watched Rule #1 with the exmuggers today, did my shopping (SINNNNED!!!) and spent a day with Samuel ytd. But unfortunately, I was down with a slight flu ytd and didnt have the energy to plan my exercise routines with my boyfriend. So, instead of doing something productive, I fell asleep. SORRRRRRY Samuel for wasting your day. But it was still very nice having you to tap me to sleep. Heheheheheeeeee.

Oh and for a local film, Rule #1 really rawked. It started off slow like an art film but soon things start to build up. Its really not bad. But its not scary la. Unless you're like Audrey who constantly asked me during the show "You not scared arrrrr?" Hahahah.

I've been thinking alot recently and I feel that my mind is too big and wild for my capabilities. =/ By the way, its not meant to be a sexual innuendo. Okay so yes, I feel so supermanic, thinking about stuff like changing the society and making a big difference. I feel like I need to do something impactful. But seriously, I dont know what this something is. Now, all that I've ever done for the society is by contributing to the economy. =/

What do I foresee myself doing. People tend to ask me this question when I ask which course I should apply for. I dont really know how to answer it. I just know that I want to make it BIG. I dont want to get a degree and end up being an admin clerk. I want to make full use of my degree and go far. I'm super ambitious right now but its just in the mind. Physically, I'm still the lazy, couldnt-be-bother kind of person.

Now, told you, my mind is too big for me. In other words, I'M BIGGER THAN MY BODY.

Monday, March 17, 2008!

HandWritten on; 9:03 PM

Its time for a change. Not everything comes with a second/ third/ fourth chance. This time, I will do it well.

Last few days were spent with the YMCA people. Nus open house, Kbox (where I started questioning myself and my life and my choices. Gawd damned emo.) and dinner. Next day was at Yishan's birthday party at Aloha.

Hectic lifestyle taking its toll on me cause I'm feeling extremely fatigue and filled with stuff I've not settle down to do. Take of example, applying for Uni and washing the toilet. I've not been spending time with the ex-muggers too! And of course, Dear has been severely neglected and I vow not to let this happen again.

TIME MANAGEMENT!

Is time a fixed quantity or can it be manipulated by man? Like when you're bored, there seemed to be too much time and when you're having fun, time just whizzed pass. So perhaps, time can be controlled by man. I just have to make sure every sec I spend is a wise choice made. So today, I'm taking one day off to spend time with Samuel. He's going to plan my workout schedule. *GROANSSSS* Hahahaha. Actually I feel like swimming now but my body is feeling too tired.

So yes, things I want to complete by this week:

spend at least 2 days with Samuel.
watch a movie with exmuggers.
do my uni application.
call up centres and apply for sewing courses.
wash the toilet.
go shopping. (optional) (Thanks to the temptation Aud brought unto me ytd.)

And soon, I will be busy preparing for interviews. And the cycle of insufficient time will sink in again.

Sunday, March 16, 2008!

HandWritten on; 11:01 PM

Flames to dust,
Lovers to friends,
why do all good things come to an end?

I'm a failure who always make wrong decisions.
Uni choices/ love: I just suck at both.

Friday, March 14, 2008!

HandWritten on; 12:20 AM

Out with Dear on Tues.

Starbucked with Jean on Wed.

Buffet lunch with Family ytd.

Pauline's house with Khar and Ty ytd.

Yes and I went for my 1st prac lesson for driving ytd. Hongkit had lessons at the same place at the same time too. So ya, he got to drive pass me at the circuit. I'm a great driver. HAHAHA. Love it when the instructor goes "well done!" when I do a turn. I'm really good can. It was raining cows and donkeys but I still managed not to crash. =D Cant wait for the next lesson which is like one month later. =(

Met up with Mr Tong just now. And now, I feel like Im damn freaking lucky to have seduced the Cambridge marker into giving me an A for GP.

Be it luck or not, this is my Alevel results and they will stay.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008!

HandWritten on; 1:16 AM

PS Long John

Serangoon Mac. The Holy flower bag. HAHAH!

Embarrassing ourselves in front of Saints. HAHA.

Ty eating Khar's tofu.

This Fashion.

CIP.

Fort Canning.

Costume serach for Othello. (We sidetracked)

Mugging for Khar's present.

Open house.

Spotlight.

Swesens.

Lit Rm

Serangoon Mac

Wang's bday.

Khar's 18th Bday.

Heartstrings Walk

Sports day?

Looking at Wang's and Khar's blog entries, I feel super touched. I just they deserve more space on my blog so this whole entry (be it how long it will be), its for them. =D

My super gay friends.

Life in JC will never be filled with laughter without them. Seriously, everyone will know how gay we can actually be. Teachers know we come in a threesome. HAHAHA. Even when we ponned lit or reading period, we still have to be so obvious to pon together. Okay, thats really funny. And esp when we do lit essays outline together, and ending up having the exact same answers. Our teacher ended up just marking one of our works. Hahaha.

And how we decided to quit all our CCAS. What a big risk and adventure that was. We really followed our hearts and anyhow crashed into YMCA. Thank Khar for this great 'CCA' which opened doors for us.

I will never forget the times when Tiying and I forced Khar to pon lessons, making coupons and ponning vouchers which we knew Khar will never accept. (but we made many of it still) Then making candles which failed. HAHAHA. And brainstorming for Chenlong's presents. Oh and the time when we stayed in the school library until very late to go for YMCA in the evening. I will never never never forget the many times when we laughed till dont know what. We actually tried timing Khar's laughter time, 5mins is no kick to her!

And who we used to do stuff for each other and secretly pass to each other cause we didnt make for anyone else. HAHAHAHA.

And there are certain places which I will go pass and still think of them. Citylink's NUM. The place where we stayed for damn long. Chatted with NUM guys somemore. HAHAHAHAH. Cause Tiying took really long to choose CL's shirt. And there's PS' KFC, where its surprise upon surprise. First time Khar acted out a lie so well to cheat Tiying into the KFC. Hahahahaha! The 30 roses with Samuel's love and our Gay love. And i will never forget our adventure to Khar's house. Oh and going for Y-chorus and playing at the playground, ignoring all the SA people around. And there was Lit night when CL delivered horfun for us.

Oh man, theres just so many.

And everytime Khar receives a phonecall, the first reaction of Wang and I would be..

"Girl or Guy?!?!?!?!?"

Till today, we still can laugh and laugh the whole day. Upon reaching home, its like wth were we laughing for? But who cares, we're going to laugh our heads off all over again tml. Its like even people at YMCA think we are nuts sometimes. Not everyone can get our frequency la.

So yes, these are my 2 really good friends. Wang and Khar. No matter how many times I knee Wang's butt or how many times I want to eat Khar's tofu, they will always find means to irritate me in other ways (esp Wang). Hahahaha. Khar will always be the one who will not be in our fights. Okay, we never quarrel and got mad at each other. We just bickle over absolutely nothing, ya we bickle over nonsense.

And its so amazing how we know CL, they know Samuel and we know AHEM. HAHAHA. =))

Its like, despite our clear differences, we still accept them and soon, embrace them. There was a period of time when Wang sang MCR songs with me. And how we will go to Khar's church happily and makes friends with people from her cell group. And how crazy I may dress at times but they kinda got used to it alr. And how they just LOVE my handwriting. HAHAHA. Okay, I need to admit my artistic handwriting can irritate ppl at times.

Im so glad that theres YMCA now to keep us close together. =)))) And I hope to spend more birthdays with you guys. I will promise not to suggest to make a 1000piece jigsaw puzzle ever again. HAHAHA.

THANK YOU GAY FRIENDS. AND HOPE WE CAN SPEND MORE GAY MOMENTS TOGETHER.