Valerie
Zhss, NYJC, SMU
sammificated
De Parti.

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Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2010, a brand new year. Hope this year will be smooth sailing and exciting for everyone.

I spent the last day of 2009 rushing like crazy. Ha. Got woken up by my Mum early in the morning cause we managed to book a hotel room at Ritz Carlton for our countdown. So hurriedly, we left the house and checked in into the awesome hotel room. DAMN AWESOME AND DAMN CHIO. The view of the city and kallang river and the flyer and the expressway was wicked from our hotel room. The bathroom was awesome, the beds were awesome, everything felt damn awesome.

After checking out the place, I hurriedly left to Boonlay to meet Samuel. And I waited and waited and waited. Wanted to just die mannz. I had totally nothing to do and I didnt know what's taking Samuel so long, and how long more do I have to wait. So it was like waiting for nothing. I waited for 3 hours and finally we met. =)) All the wait felt so worth it at that moment.

Then the MAD rush begins. We took the train at Boonlay, hoping to alight at Jurong, then cab from Woodlands later. But, having not met each other for so long, we talked till we forgot to alight. So we hurriedly alighted at Queenstown and cabbed to Bishan. Grabbed my stuff and then cabbed to Yishun. Horrible moody taxi ah peh, but okay forget it.

Waited at Samuel's house for him to unpack, pack, eat, bathe, while I eat, watched tv, read papers, eat, look at Samuel walk around the house. Finally, we left his place at 1050pm and the rush continues. We chionged to the MRT station, and at cityhall we had to chiong thru citylink, thru marina square to find out that the exit at marina sq was locked. So we chionged to another exit, chionged to the 29 storey to meet my family.

We reached at 1155pm. Ya we were THAT close. The fireworks was worth all the rush. =))) Right before our eyes, bursting like shooting stars. So happy.

Previous year, Samuel and I were at Barrage, 2 years back we were at the bridge near Fullerton, 3 years back we were at Marina Bay. I cant rmb 4 years back if we did anything. =/ I love ending the year and starting the year with Samuel. =)

And that marks the end of 2009. The year where Samuel and I nearly broke up, the year where Samuel enlists, the year full of camps, the year of new and old friendships, the year of ups and downs. Now lets see what will happen this year.

Dear I love you soooo much. I dont want to be emoing today. It always happens when I feel so loved and suddenly you have to go back to camp again. Its like my hair has finally grew so long, then someone just cut it off like that. It really sucks. I really want this 9months to just leave. =( Whos going to be there to help me when school is a bitch? Whos going to pick me up when I stumble? Whos going to hug me when I feel sad? Haiiii. I know Samuel feels shitty too. =((( Maybe 2 shitty feeling people makes everything a little less shitty.

SAMUEL WILL BE BACK TOMORROW!
I AM SO EXCITED! =D

Damn shiok life today. Its like the life of a bum (as quoted by Tom). Shopping + SHIOK FOOD + SHIOK SHIOK MASSAGE. I like this life, dividing the price of everything by 2.4 and feeling damn shiok to know how cheap it is. =DD Okay but not everything is like super cheap, got quite alot of clothes I wanted to buy but they were like same as Far East prices. So sad.

Massage was damn shiok. They really go all the way to crack every joint in your body. After the massage, all of us were feeling agile and soft. HA. Seriously man, me love massages. Okay but of course, Samuel's massages are still the best. =P

And at night, before we could finally settle down for a good meal, half our team got lost and half of us had to help this ah peh with his barang barang. He demanded for help. =/ Thank goodness he didnt kidnap us or sth.

OHOH we had another adventure. Ning, out of all of us who didnt hate bugs as much, nearly swallowed a housefly from her drink. It was damn disgusting and a very horrid experience. But of course, its an adventure on its own.

All in all, today was great fun relaxing and bumming around. =)))

I love taking photos and hearing the shutter and the flash. =)

And I love taking photos with friends I love. =) Next record, we need to beat 103 photos. Have to go over our first record. How nice if we took even more photos today! We had the time but just no more poses.

Today, its like many pretty NEW clothes, great friends, a camera, plus shopping. Its ultimate therapy. Swear its like ULTIMATE.

Snap out of emo stage NOW.
THIS INSTANCE.

=( I should stop worrying for nothing, over nothing.

I miss Samuel like sooooo much now.

Why must OCS seperate us like that? So cruel. Why cant Samuel call me tonight? Why are his smses so brief and unlike him? WHY? What is he doing now? Is he asleep? NOOOO... He hasnt asked me to take care when I'm at Johor tml. How? HOWW???

I'm a reliant kid. I admit. I just hope I enjoy myself so much tml, I forgot about missing him.

Kah Fai was telling me 9 months will be gone sooner than you know it. And Hazmi, the nursing student, pops in and say "HAR whos pregnant?" 9 months = pregnant.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Picnicked and kite flying at Marina Barrage with Dec YCC 09 Proglogs ppl. =) I've not picnicked with so many people before. So much food, and like we used so many picnic mats. Plus Andrew brought his baby and Serene brought her dog. Power packed.

All in all, it was a nice simple gathering.

I cant wait for Samuel to be out on New Year's Eve. =))

=)) Super last min late date like we only decided to go out in the afternoon cause we both had nothing on today. But I'm really glad we finally met up and talked like non stop all the way.

At least our friendship didnt change after 2 months.

Cherry menthol inside;
I find you hiding in my bedside pocket.

Samuel is super sweet today. I think cause he has not much to do in camp today so he started missing me. =) And cause he missed me so much and wanted to give me some love, he nicely agreed to pay for this headband that I wanted to buy.

Love received. =DD I'm still beaming in joy.

Its amazing how young childish love could be sustained for so long. I'm not saying we will always be together forever, but as for now, its still amazing. Like when we were in secondary school, that recklessness, that impulsiveness, that as-long-as-you-are-cute-we-can-be-tgt-forever, that shyness, that urge to be in love. All those actually evolved without cutting out any love in its transition.

I am happy this year end.

Underneath the moon, underneath the stars;
here’s a little heart for you.
Up above the world, up above it all
Here’s a hand to hold on to

You made me swear
That our hearts will never die
No never, no never
Cause no one seems to believe
That we can fly
Forget them.

=) We will Never grow old.

This song is making me have this girlysquishysqirmy feeling of having someone with me these 5 years. I'm back in the make-myself-feel-loved mode again. Its like autopilot mode. The relationship progresses emotionally when nothing is actually going on. HAHA.

Just now when we were on our way to have breakfast downstairs, I told Samuel that if today was any other Christmas we celebrated together, I wouldnt be there now. I would be upstairs dressing up and getting really excited to meet him in a bit. Then we will spend the rest of the day together. He might buy me flowers and give me a new Christmas tigger, and I will be busking in the season of love all day.

I guess I just have to resign to fate that NS created this year. If Samuel and I cant spend Christmas together, so be it. If Samuel goes to Brunei during his birthday and/or my birthday, so be it. Theres nothing we can do but accept it. Its quite sucky. But I must be gracious and understand that Samuel is the one going through more shit inside. I should stop complaining. Samuel came to my house after dinner yesterday. I should be satisfied. =) Poor him has to book in again later.

Its like the world's sourness and bitterness are all cooked up in my stomach now. I have the festive mood in my head but in my heart, theres this immense suppression of it. You know when in your head you are still stuck in previous Christmases, I will keep thinking what am I going to wear later, how will Samuel look later, where are we going later, are we going somewhere nice, what did Samuel buy for me, blahblahblah. Then you get all excited and jittery when you realised, girl, you are staying home today, Samuel is not on his way to meeting you.

Boooooooo... I dont think I'm happy. Can it not be Christmas today? Sigh.

I will see him when the new year arrives.

Merry Christmas.

As the year ends, a whole new year of friendship will begin again. I must say this year has been one of the best years of friendship with Yiling and Jean.

In secondary school we will spend a whole lot of time together. Enough said. Then after we graduated, Yiling went to TP, while Jean and I landed up in the same class in NYJC. This was one of the worst periods ever. I think I met up with Yiling more than I even spend time with Jean. So Jean just drifted away. HORRIBLE! Soon, we graduated from JC and started spending more time together during the hols. Finally the 3 of us were spending time together again. Uni started, Yiling's FYP was due soon. And meeting up was tough. This was an off peak period too.

This year, Jean stopped staying in hall and woah, we meet up sooo often it got kinda scary. HAHA. Yiling started working but still she will meet us up for dinner, quite frequently too. It was all gooooood. This year was awesome!

But soon, Yiling will be going to Aussie. And we will be seperated again. Its quite sad but I guess we should all be happy for her. She will be having fun there, meeting cute guys, living in a new culture, exploring and having adventures we cant have in Singapore. How nice if we could pack our bags and leave with her too.

Time to cherish the few bits of time left with her. After that, we will just look forward to finding her in Aust when summer comes.

Samuel will be back tomorrow, and he will be leaving on Xmas again. =(
Xmas will be different this year.

And he just smsed saying someone in his platoon has h1n1. KNS. Better not quarantine Samuel tml.

Its time for me to put my phone to Outdoor Loud mode permanently. It allows me to catch random phonecalls that Samuel makes to me.

"There's something in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself, makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms.."

That song just randomly played when I was alone in my bedroom and I was like damn scared. I was like "Wtf why got music playing suddenly??" Then I recalled that I put my ringtone on just now so that I wont miss Samuel's 10+pm phonecall and I didnt switch back to Silent after that. So dumb.

But when I answered the phonecall, the song just made so much sense.

And the next line of the song will fit Samuel when he heard my very very very sweet voice. "Feels like home to me, feels like I'm all the way back where I belong."

=) To think he will actually think of calling me after being disturbed in his sleep to do fire drill.

Merry Xmas. =) Its great going back to places we used to go together. Super unoriginal but still a whole lot of fun. I think I laughed soooo much today. The last laugh was the funniest. And somemore it was when we were parting, so imagine we went seperate ways, and I was still laughing to myself when I was alone. The thought of it makes me want to laugh again.

I'm going to miss Yiling when shes away. =( Our already so small clique will be even smaller.

HAHAHAHAHH! I just received the funniest phonecall in my whole life. Actually its VIDEO CALL. HAHAHHAHAH!

So Ning and I actually wanted to pop by APSN today to visit, but we were told that it was their hols and only a few will be back today. So we thought nvm, we will pop by another day then. Boo, disappointed.

And then just now I was like sitting on my bed rotting when I received a videocall. Mmm, so strange it was from Philip. I was thinking like maybe he called the wrong person or sth but I picked up anyway.

Once the video went on, I saw Philip and 2 other buddies. HAHAHA. They were like damn happy and giggly. SO FUNNY! HAHAHHA! Macciam like I'm some Pop star. Then J talked to me on the phone and he was like "Hello? How are you?" HAHAHHAH! "I'm helping Mr Philip pick up leaves." And Philip shouts at the background "What helping me! You're earning money la!"

When it was the other buddy's turn to talk to me, Philip said he ran away shyly. HAHAH! Gooodness.

Philip said that the buddies rmbed me:

Philip: You rmb Valerie?
Duno-who: Yes, the one in specs and shorts.

HAHAHAH. I wonder if they really rmb me or what la. How many girls wear specs and shorts? HAHAH!! Damn cute.

Yining, I'm sorry they dont rmb you. HHAHAHAHAHH!! =PP You can be the girl in specs and shorts too. Luckily we didnt go today, there were supposed to be 12 buddies at APSN, but only 2 turned up. Philip said the rest pon tang. Hhahahahah!!!

Thanks Philip for the most entertaining call ever. =DDD
Yining, I bet this blog entry will make your day too. Cause you will be able to imagine the whole scene and how I feel about it. =D

At 10pm, it suddenly dawned unto me that Samuel is back at camp. We are back in the cycle again. I am back being the girlfriend of an NS man. At 10pm, I started my panick routine. Me checking my phone constantly to see if I missed any calls. 1010pm, started to give up hope and psychoed myself that I will be fine.

And 1015pm, he called. =)
At 1025pm, he had to go. =(

And now, I'm online, waiting for myself to become sleepy enough so that I can fall asleep quickly later. The life of the sad girlfriend. And on Xmas eve night he will be back, but on Xmas night he has to go. Cant we have a nice full day together? Apparently not.

Oh but I managed to make myself abit happier cause I realised SAMUEL IS NOT IN TEKONG! Hes nearer to me now at Jurong.

Samuel will be back at camp again tomorrow morning. I guess this time round I will be fine. Maybe I'm more used to it, maybe I'm satisfied with the 5 days spent with him in HK, maybe its the holidays. No idea what to expect, no idea what will he be doing in camp, no idea who he will meet, no idea at all.

Just be thankful he will be out on Xmas and for the New Year. =)

I really dont like being nagged at. Usually nagging keeps harping on the same thing, most of the time its a useless redundant matter. I should stop nagging since its so irritating.

My body has not adapted back to Singapore's weather. I feel weird. Like my throat will be super dry even though I drank like damn alot of water. And I'm running in cold sweat all the time. When I sleep, I feel cold, so I wrapped myself up in my blanket, but when I do so, I start sweating cause its too warm, then I remove my blanket, and I feel super cold. WTF. Hate this feeling. I feel like a zombie.

Nope, no fever. No H1N1. I'm still happily eating pizza and curry and everything else is fine. Damn this weird feeling. BODY, go back to normal!!!

"So coldddd"

Seriously, I wasnt prepared for 10-15degrees. But because we were unprepared, it made it even funner. Piling up layers of clothes, looking like some ball or penguin makes everything soo holiday-like. =))) I swear I repeated "SO COLD" to Samuel more than 80 times these 5 days. But it was all good. I love the weather, despite it being super duper cold.

If I had damn chio fur coats or winterwear, I bet I will love living in country with 4 seasons.

Its a pity everywhere is selling winter clothes in Hong Kong, so I didnt buy much clothes. I didnt buy alot of stuff either, it was so difficult to shop for myself and shop for presents since there werent much to buy thats suitable for Singapore. Should have known ah. And its another pity I didnt go to Disneyland, cause I agreed to go to Ocean Park instead. Nvm, theres always next time. Next time, I will go to USA's Disneyland.

I enjoyed myself throughout this trip, excluding the claustrophobic night 1 and the damn-cold-after-I-bathed feeling. Heh.

Samuel has to go back to being a soldier and I will continue enjoying my holidays as it lasts. For all who wish to know, Samuel is in OCS. =)

Why can we accept beneficiaries for their flaws but we cant do the same for the mainstream people?

I'm ashamed of myself for it but then again, I'm like everyone else. So I should accept my flaw too.

Its a pity I will be missing YMCA's Volunteers Appreciation Night. I want to be there with Yining. =((( And its a bigger pity I cannot go for Y Reading's Christmas party. =((((( One of the SCAS buddies was saying he will see me at Y Reading and he's excited cause its Christmas. Heartwrenching when I told him I wont be there.

Bye Singapore!
Hello Hong Kong! =)

2 long bus rides today. Great reflective time.

1st buddy that flashed into my mind was E from MINDS Woodlands. He was super cute, cause he made me so loved by proposing to me. HAHAHHA! I was kinda down cause I didnt have the chance to interact wth the buddies but during night games, E was feeling moody and all and I helped to persuade him to join the games. He was kinda non verbal so I had to try to understand his gesturing. Then after a while, he smiled at me and point to my 4th finger. Then he pointed to himself. Then he put his both hands together. HAHA. Damn funny. I was like "You want to marry me?" Then he nodded his head damn happily.

I pointed to my other finger and showed him my ring and I told him I'm married. So he pointed to his buddy and gestured that he wanted to marry her then.

I guess Y Camp is really about the buddies and how small things can make them really happy. Its like when they smile straight from their hearts, you just want to melt.

I'm glad I finally did some community service again. =))

Just a few points.

1. I feel like I'm too old and retired for Y Camps. Not that I didnt have fun or was I tired out.
2. I'm super tired I cant type properly but my hair is too wet for sleep.
3. I met new friends at camp.
4. I miss Samuel.
5. I want to buy a black hoodie. Where to?
6. I'm nervous for campfire tml.
7. I'm going overseas soon!

Heck the hair, I'm off to bed.

POP! Actually, POP only la. HAHAH. But some people really take POP very seriously, like they dress up, buy flowers, bring the whole family. Some girls really wear damn hiao. Damn high heels and Damn mini skirts. WHOOO.

I think its a speechless family bred at home.
My Mum has freedom of speech and no one else.
Damn shitty.
Especially now.
WTH MANNNZ.

=))) Went to Keppel Bay. Pretty pretty pretty place. So calm and peaceful there. We actually sat at TCC for so long, just relaxing and yaking away. The breeze was great at the bay as well. Could just suck in all the atmosphere and feel so breezy and gay myself.

I enjoyed today. Samuel's POP tml! Hope I dont get sea sick, hope I can find things to talk to his parents about, hope the weather isnt too hot, hope there wont be too many people, hope I wont feel faint again.

THOU SHALL NOT BE BITCHY.
THOU SHALL REMAIN CALM.

FUCK MA RESULTS OUT TML.
DIE.
KNOCK MY HEAD INTO A PILLAR AND DIE.

HAHAHAHAH. Accidentally switched on flash. Samuel was supposed to blend into the land of greens. Wonder how does it feel like to be looking like someone else?

OMGOMGOMGOMG. Val control......

This is life for the last few days. Not much Sun but I love the Sand and the Sea. Its amazing to see how beaches look like in another land. Its so different from the beaches in Singapore. HA. MAJOR BIG DIFFERENCE. Its a pity how Singapore is always known for being Sunny but its beaches are a total turn off.

Ya so we just bummed around all 4 days. Heh. It was good. Very relaxing, no rush, just let time pass as it pleased. =) Couldnt care less about anything else. Unglam and just let it be. HA. We were like dead fishes stranded on the sand, letting the waves take us with them. So basically we were like rolling around the sand like nut cases. But it was all good fun. Screaming and laughing at how stupid we looked.

Seriously, things like this, you only do overseas. Imagine me rolling in the sand, den I see like a classmate or sth. Think I will just die on the spot.

Time to get up and cut my nails and recolour them. But I'm still in the lazy Bintan phrase. Bumming around like a dead fish.

At the back of my head I keep thinking about Dec YCC. Its like I'm there to help, but I dont seem to know what am I helping. Like I'm in progs but at what time must I do what where? HA I'm a freak, I need to know my specific roles and tasks before I can set my mind to do it. Or else right now, I'm like floating around, not in the camp mood at all. And, it feels like I'm going to camp alone. its not easy to just step in when bonds and friendships are set up and in place alr. Feels like I'm a crasher, with roles to play, with people I dont know. Oh well. Since I'm here to help, I will do my best. But then again, I dont know what am I helping in.

Tom/ Chaos/ Wuihou/ whoever reads this and is part of Dec YCC, I'm just saying things here k. Dont bitch about me. HAHAHH! I've already set aside time for YCC, better make myself useful.

I'm going for my H1N1 jab later. Hope I dont kena any side effects.

I wanted to upload some pictures but not sure why I cant here.

Its Day 2 at Bintan. 1 more day to go and I'm home again.

The beach is BEAUTIFUL here. I tell you, the water's great, sand's great, scenery's awesome. Massage is shiok. The people here are really nice too. Feel like some VIP.

One thing is that my family sleeps rather early. I'm up awake now. Zzz.

Its not easy using my Canon 1000D. But I'm learning and its great that I'm learning to use it in Bintan. =) But damn the new SD card that cant load into my laptop. No idea, hope by using USB, the first day photos can be transferred into my laptop before I go to SimLim to complain.

Dear, I misssssssssss you! =)

I can predict my GPA this sem.
It will drop and go down down down down down.
Better dont drop below 3. Will be damn demoralised.

But oh well, I cant cry and tear my textbooks up right? So suck it in and brave through the next 2.5 yrs of trauma.

I swear I wont check my MA grades if they ever come out. I will check them only when Samuel is out alr. HAHAHHA. He must check the grades with me.

BYEBYE SINGAPORE for 4 days!!
HELLO BINTAN, and a whole lot of slack time.

BYEBYE DEAR! MISS ME WHEN IM AWAY!! I will. Heh. Give you a whole bucket of sand when I return. Find a place to put it at home k! =)

Hope I have fun doing nothing and just slacking there. =D

I want a sweater like that. And its olive green not dirt green.

2am and the rain is pouring.
Here we are, at the crossroads once again.
You're telling me you're so confused,
you cant make up your mind.
Is this meant to be,
you're asking me.

No special implications, just a song randomly stuck in my head 2am this morning. How I wish the rain is pouring and I will head to bed now.

Quite disappointed in my results. The subjects I'm banking on are failing me. Imagine the subjects which were meant to do not so well. GG la. DD also. Damn Disgusting. Shall not bother since its my holidays. Rmb happiness do not come from results.

I miss Samuel. Why must Bintan clash with his last BMT weekend? ZZZZZ.