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Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

School or no school tomorrow? I cannot decide. There are just too many reasons. HOW?

Finally, the holidays are here. But, IT IS TIME TO STUDY. I've not been studying hard for the past few days. I'm kinda worried for my Promos but I'm not doing anything about it. Geog test next Wed. I must study. I must. I must.

Its like even though I have a lot to do, I'm just refusing to do so. I just dont want to. Without geography, I think I'll be happier. MUCH happier.

I cant wait to see everyone tomorrow at Zhonghua. =) HOME! hehehe.

JEALOUSY TURNING SAINTS INTO THE SEA.

I am bored. Not bored because I have nothing to do, but bored because I have nothing fun to do. My whole mind is telling me to STUDY STUDY STUDY!! But I just refused. I want to enjoy my weekends, but I know it is the weekends when I have the time to study. I want the holidays. I want to sing and play all day. But now, holidays are not for relaxing and having fun. Holidays are for mugging. Irony.

Seriously, I have this fear that I will retain. Psycho me. Tell me I will not.

Sh*t, my eye lid is jumping. Bad omen.

This happens when I'm bored.

Mon, Tues, Wed. I cant wait for Thurs. I want to see EVERYONE again. I miss zhonghua. I want the past to stay with me forever. I want to stay in the past forever.

I dont see the FUN in jc life. I'm so sick and tired. Study, tests, projects, exams. If you do well, good, continue working hard. If you dont do well, work harder. Everyday, you go to school to study and hand in assignments. After school, you go home, tired. Start doing homework and revision. Next day, you go to school again. It is a routine that I'm stuck in. I cannot get out of it. The only way out is to work even harder to make sure I get through these 2 years smoothly.

Not all will be able to understand. At least I know that there are some who feel the same way.

I feel exactly like the poems Mrs Teo gave as homework for PC. "Idleness licked away the beauty of strength", " valueless world". I am truely what the 2 poems described man as now.

Oh well. Life just suck big time.
SCREW THE WORLD.

PW again.
Promos is nearing.
Whenever I think of PW and Promos, my heart will start racing. =/

At least I enjoyed yesterday. =)

I dread school tomorrow.

My Love: No. 226.

Yesterday:

1. Geography lecture was a mad rush.
2. Talking to Jean was =).
3. Tom Yum Yu Pian Mee Fen was shiok.

I headed down to Toa Payoh after that. Being the No. 1 fan, I went there to watch Samuel do his Wushu thing. =) I melted seeing him in that orange wushu outfit. Hehehhe. Samuel has nice shoulders. =)

I studied Econs while waiting for his turn to compete. I waited for about 3 hours to watch him for that single minute. When it was his turn, I started having mixed feelings. My hands were cold and sweaty. My heart was racing. I was excited yet nervous. I was feeling shy. I wanted his routine to end quickly but I wanted it to last forever as well. I heard him shout like that for the 1st time and I was thinking "Is that him?" Then again, and again. I saw the Man in him. Hahahah. A guy is the most attractive when he is full of confidence doing his thing. =) That look in his eyes. WOAH.

That minute was more than just any other minute. It was then when I realised that my feelings can be so easily controlled by him. =/

Its a pity I didnt take pictures. He didnt even allow me to clap when his number was being called out. I obeyed 'cause I didnt want to affect him. =P

Samuel is my escape from all the stress I'm feeling.

Eh. What am I doing here? I should be studying! Argh.

Today is PSYCHO-day.

I was dumbfounded during assembly today. PSYCHO alert!! "I am not what I am", how very true for his case. I didnt expect it. NOT AT ALL. It hit me hard and I realised, he is not someone I want to get close with. It is weird.The thought of it gives me the goosebumps la. Ah Khar is scared too. HAHAHAH. He must be possessed. Careful not to step on the wrong things nowadays. Must be a 7th month thing.

Next PSYCHO thing. I couldnt believe he/she will msg me. Seriously, he/she is just so immature. So old already, yet still so childish. I didnt mind the msg but the 1st thing that came into my mind was my friend. What was he/she thinking when he/she sent that msg? Is this the right thing? I didnt reply a crude msg because I care for my friend and not because I'm scared or threatened by you.

Last PSYCHO thing. I didnt know why she made such a big fuss over it. I am a victim but I get the sh*t too. It is just a small puny tiny insignificant matter but you blew things up, making everything worse. You have the right to be mad if I was harmed but I'm not. I am even more determined to help my friend and not leave my friend. My friend has been my gooood friend who stood by me. My friend isnt any (&*^#(%$.

I am confused if I should or should not tell. I need time to balance the Pros and Cons. Samuel will guide me. I'm too rash for this.

Therefore, today is PSYCHO-day.

I'm blogging to push the emo entry down. =) I'm okay again.

Laughing with Ah Khar and Tiying is tiring. I think they are kinda afraid of my laughter already. =X But of course, it feels good to laugh like no one's business. We were talking about how we actually got together. Nonsense people flock together.

I heard this person playing -Somewhere Only We Know- on the piano today. I melted on the spot and continued melting till I reached the classroom. It was oh-so-beautiful. I dont know how to express it but I started to feel the pain of waiting, pining. The whole Lakehouse thing came back to me. Trust me, I understand the pain of waiting for the person and wanting to go to a place where only the both of you belonged.

I want to learn the piano again. I will, soon. After my Promos.

So why dont we go, somewhere only we know.
Somewhere only we know.
Somewhere only we know.

Since my entries are usually either happy or angry, I shall try something new today.

I am DEPRESSED.
I feel sad that my life is nothing but a pile of sh*t. I am not living for myself. I seem to be going about everyday without an aim. Going to school is such a chore. Facing certain people that I dont like and acting nice and friendly to them makes me feel fake. Plastic. I smiled and laughed but soon after I turn away, I ask myself, What was all that for? I used to be like, if I dont like you, you will know it.

Promos is about to arrive and I have yet to find my source of motivation. I am very tempted to let go everything I've stored in my brain. I can feel all the geography stuff in my head, convergent plates, divergent, volcanoes, weathering. Feeling sick of everything. My head feels heavy. I just want to forget.

But Tiying is slacking with me right now. This is quite funny. hahahaa. We decided to just study Math tonight, we'll do our tutorials during breaks.

I feel choked. I dont seem to be enjoying my life anymore. I'm sick of waking up each day, asking myself what is there for me to be excited about today, knowing that the answer will always be "nothing." I'm sick of going home alone, sinking in my own world of thoughts and forcing myself to stop thinking, 'cause the more I think, the more depressed I get.

On top of all these, my boyfriend has been very busy with his training. He has been neglecting me and I cannot do anything about it. He might not know that when he is feeling tired, I might be feeling tired too. He might not know that hearing him before I sleep every night has become my way of ending the day. At least it makes me feel that there is someone out there that wants me happy... There are just some things that he cannot understand. Whoever still thinks that I'm the BOSS in this relationship is just so wrong. I seem to be getting more damage.

If I have that remote in Click, I would rewind everything. I would want to be with 4E2 again. I would want to play Truth or Dare again and be asked "Who do you like?", and I can smile and say "No one". The people will start roaring "SAMUEL!" and I will start turning red and denying everything. I want to go back to the past when I can fail all my tests as I know everyone else will fail with me. I want to be free again.

I am breaking down, literally and metaphorically.

On a lighter note,
I fell off my chair in the computer lab yesterday.
I nearly fall off Tiying's lap today. (Ah Khar caught me. hahahhaha!)

My ass hurts.

My ex-blogskin was screwed.
My ex-tagboard was screwed.

I'll just leave my blog as it is now, for the time being.

Since I'm bored, I shall surprise Tiying and Ah Khar:



Superheros, anyone? =D

-unhappiness cleared. =D-

I met Samuel yesterday. =) I took SUPER long to eat my Lor Mee. We went to look at pets. The $4500 puppy is DAMN cute. The hamsters! The rabbits! We saw this SUPER SUPER big dog yesterday. It's practically BIGGER than me. Its quite scary la. =/

Okay, I'm so not in the mood to do anything now. I'm supposed to do geography tutorial but nevermind. I think I'll do it during my breaks in school. I dont want to start schooling again. I'm in the holiday mood and I only want to gather with 4e2rians, go out on dates with Samuel, go shoppping. BUT, I'm excited to see Jeannette, Ah Khar and Tiying. They have stories to tell me about Friday. Ha. =D

I am Samuel-sick.

I was about to blog but Samuel dear called me.
hahahaha.

4E2 Farewell-at-Siewting's-house BBQ PICS!
Sorry to those who left early. =/


I was just testing the camera on the Siews. =P


oh beautiful lamp post~


Andrew's cards.


erm..


Chinying, Aud, SiewTing, I


Behind bars. =X


Alex and Delin (kinda dark)



Hamster feeding on prawns. Hehee.


I caught Alan with a satay stick and fork in his mouth! =D


I'm gonna strangle YOUUU..


I'm gonna knee YOUUU..


Brothers again. =D


Chinying, Siewting, Delin, I


Siewhoon and Chinying in front of gamblers.


Group shot


Greedy people. =P


Aud, Siewting, I


GAMBLERS! =P


Us- Those who stayed till late.


=DDDD

I am UN-HAPPY. =((((((

Dentist felt that my teeth wasnt beautiful enough and so I have to continue waiting for the day when I can finally take my braces off. DAMN. I am THIS disappointed. I waited for like 2 hours ALL ALONE in the super COLD clinic and the dentist rejected me in the end.

I went solo shopping today. Actually i was just walking to the MRT station but so many things caught my eye. Ended up spending a lil too much. =/

I am desperate to buy a new bag and new shoes.

I'm not in a good mood now.

I'm having the time of my life now. =D I'M F*CKING HAPPY. hahahha.

I had my fairytale with Samuel on the 8th and the 9th. =D I had FLOWERS. I really wonder why would flowers make me happy. I would love a BIG bouquet of white roses next time. HEH.

I am still feeling over the moon now.

National Day was B-E-A-U-TIFUL~ We watched my super ex girlfriend. Its kinda funny. G-GIRL!! Samuel's reaction when I started acting stupid saying I'm G-Girl is damn funny. He's damn grossed out with the name. I asked him what will he do if I'm her, he said, oh-so-innocently, "I will get you to change your name.."

We took the train to Marina Bay after that. To our surprise, so many people were there. We didnt know we could catch the fireworks display there. We walked all the way to the steamboat area. It was nice walking with him. Talking nonsense and laughing at stupid things. The feeling is just RIGHT.

We sat down to watch the fireworks. It was like a FAIRYTALE. The river flowing in front of us, the fireworks behind this stream of water. At the moment of time, my whole world revolves around him only. =) It felt as if there was no one around. It is difficult to write how it was then but it was just amazing. Heh. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY + 2 DAYS. =) I love you.

Today was a SUPER FUN day too. I went to Ah Khar's house to do project in the morning. Jeannette, take care k, everything will be fine. Doing podcast was fun. My voice sounded damn funny over the speakers. We all had a real good laugh over everyone's voice. =D One more episode to go.

I chionged all the way to Somerset after that. Sorry I had to leave Ah Khar's house earlier yea?

Watched the Lakehouse with Audrey, Siew Hoon, Yuting, Andrew. It was a really romantic show. Go watch it with the person you love, it would be nice. Andrew spolit the whole atmosphere though. He was Darn irritating. =X I slapped him for that. Heh.

We walked around and decided to settle down at StarBucks. It was super comfortable to just chill with them. We were talking about the past and other stuff. I felt like I could tell them anything. I could do stupid things whenever I feel like it. Everyone was REAL. Andrew will his retarded gun action thing and Audrey with her damn funny "shove hand in the air" action. HA. The thought of it really makes me laugh.

I really miss the past a lot, but of course, I'm learing to love my current class now too. It was kinda sad to leave Audrey and Siewhoon at the MRT station. Serious. It felt like "Damn, when will I see them again?" =( But, I'm sure we'll meet up soon. What Andrew said was right, "4e2 is not just about friends, we are like family already."

I met Samuel at Bishan MRT station. He sent me home and left for training. =)

I love my National Day Holidays. =)
I love 4e2rians. Thank you Siew Hoon Aud Andrew Yuting for meeting up. =)
I love Samuel Ee Chin Ann. =)

oh ya.
I ATE BEEF FOR THE FIRST TIME.

Seeing Andrew and Audrey was GREAT. Heh. Audrey and I make a great suanning pair. We bring Andrew DOWN! heh. =D Andrew and his soursop disgusting nonsense. =D I cant wait to see all on Thursday!

Seeing Samuel is MAGIC. =) I wonder why he looks so good today. But its sad to hear him cough so often. Hope he gets better sooooooooooooon, like tomorrow. =/ Heh. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! Samuel woke up at 12am just to msg me this morning. =)

I'm so broke. I spend too much money eating small stuff. I should just spend like $3 on a big plate of chicken rice for lunch and not eat tomyam fish beehoon and 2 fruit+cream cakes. Luckily Andrew paid for Strawberry sundae. I owe him my cab fare. Argh.

I must wear my rubberbands 24 hours. The dentist threatened me that if I dont, I might not be able to take my braces off this Friday. I will cry, I tell you. I must wear. Must wear. Must wear.

Flag day was disgusting today. But doing it with Tiying makes things better. EVEN THOUGH SHE PANGSEH-ED ME WHILE MSGING HER LOVE. =D But since its her love, I shall not persue the matter.

Okay, I must email 4e2rians regarding the Dec chalet.

I PROMISE TO UPLOAD BBQ PICS SOOOOOOOOOON. =)

I wonder if Thursday thing is still on. Heh. I miss 4e2 again! Might be meeting Andrew and Audrey and a few others later. I hope its still on. I am free until 5pm. Dental appt. I didnt wear my rubberbands.

I just recorded my voice for the podcast thing. I sound like a MANLY MAN. =X Oh well....

TODAY IS MY 2ND ANNIVERSARY WITH SAMUEL EEEEEEE. Tiying, being kaypo and reading my blog, says: CHIN ANN! hahahha.

Hope he will like the presentS I bought. My effort, and sweat, tears, blood, and MONEY. heh. =D But as long as he's happy, it would be all worthwhile. =D

BBQ on sat was a whole lot of fun. We just kept talking and talking and laughing and laughing. YuTing hid Andrew's phone and Andrew was searching for it. Delin was like "where? where?" and Alex was also "where? where?" and so since I thought everyone was pretending, I pretended not to know as well. AND IN THE END!! Alex really didnt know anything. And so, I was victimised. I got pinched can. =/

It was nice to see HHK again. =D HEH HEH HEH HEH. (hidden secret)

Audrey was damn high as usual. It always fun being with her. She's the GAMBLER. She kept wanting to play cards from the start till the end. I'm damn jealous of her SA shirt. AHHHH. She kept "why you didnt go SA!!!??!" Heh. I would love to be there with them as well.

TIying is staring at my entry as I blog. TSK TSK TSK. She's reading my entry now. TiYing says "ITOLD YOU HOW MANY TIMES AH! MY -Y- is not capital!!" =X

Okay, food time. =D ZHONGHUA opposite, HERE I COME!!

I want to run 8.44km from Bishan to Yishun to take care of Samuel.
=`(

Dear is sick. =( I want him to be well again soon. I'm feeling lost.

I got awoken up in the middle of the night yesterday by my nightmare again. It was damn scary. But as he's sick, I couldnt call him, unlike the day before. =(

As I opened his reply for my msg "Are you feeling better today..", I really hoped that he would say "I'm ok again! =D" But as I read the reply "I'm having a bad headache.." My heart shattered into pieces. =(

He was feeling so unwell yesterday but he still waited for me to reach home to call him. I asked if he was tired and if he wanted to go to sleep, he just went "wait a while more.."

Ah, HEART WRECHING. =/

It doesnt help to be listening to "Somewhere Only We Know" when I'm feeling so weak now.

2 more days to our 2nd anniversary...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BBQ was cool yesterday, despite the not so high attendence rate. I will try to upload the photos soon. =) 4e2rians, we will meet at Uni! We'll have lunch break together! Just get this JC life over and done with. I cant wait for the gathering 20years later, I wonder who and who will be together. Heh Heh.

I am bored. Jeannette and Tiying are doing their podcasting stuff. I am slacking beside them as my Khar-ga-la isnt here. HA. Doubt that we are still going out today. Jeannette has leadership stuff and Ah Khar has PW meeting. Crashed plans.

We hear thunder.

Chinese was super boring. I was drawing and drawing and drawing. Jeannette cannot believe that I was from Art Club. Ha. I'm artistically inclined k? =P

Econs test was alright. My answers are about the same as Tiying so if our answers are wrong we will SUFFER together. =D

I'm thinking of my Roti Prataaaaaa. And Samuel. And 4E2 tomorrow!! And the FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD tomorrow!! CHICKEN WINGS, PRAWNS, LIFE. =D

Khar-ga-la is having class gathering tomorrow too. Yeahhhhh~

Meeting Yunting first for lunch tomorrow after my dental appointment. I want to EAT. ARGH.

Samuel is having a sore throat, therefore, I am having a headache. =/

I met VINCENT QUEK, my primary school friend, yesterday. Felt weird. But he didnt really change much. I might consider going back to KCPPS on Teachers Day.

I miss Andrew and Hongkit. YEAH. Can see them tomorrow. =D It was nice to be msging them on the same night the day before. SO EXCITING. Heh.

Okay, I'm off to do nothing. Khar-ga-la drew on my hand during chinese. I must revengeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... =D

NEW BLOGSKIN!

I must tolerate all the sh*t this weeek. Give me strength.

Thank you Tiying for carring Othello around for me. Heh. =D

I never knew slacking in the library can be so fun. IT WAS SUPER HILARIOUS. Tiying would understand. HA. Cannot take it.

Oh ya, Ah Khar is getting more and more bu xiang hua. Draw on my hand, splash water on me. Lie lil kids ar? =/ Heh. It is things like these that makes the day pass better.

1 more week. Just one more week when the next phrase of my relationship starts. =) I wonder what Samuel bought for me. Heh. So secretive.... He refused to give me any clue.

My thoughts: Those who hasnt been in a relationship before wouldnt know the real problems a couple might face. Some might think its always romance and mushy stuff. Some think that the problems are stepping stones to make your relationship better. However, when you are going through that problem it is not as easy as it seems. Every couple will have their own problems.

But of course, you would never know how =DD it is to be with that person. Before I entered this relationship, I never knew it would feel that good. Ha.

Just some plain thoughts, not a message to someone or whatsoever.