Valerie
Zhss, NYJC, SMU
sammificated
De Parti.

muchthanks.

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Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

Just 4 weeks and I will be free.

AHHHH. Put down, burdened and contricted.

SAVE ME MY DEAR FRIENDS.

I should totally snap out of the self-pity state I'm in, cause no one will pity me.

Honestly, I'm doing fine. I have like-minded friends in school.

But there's this part of me that doesnt seem to want me to be happy.

But I have no time and energy to bother much.

My brain needs to do projects.

A sudden strong urge to head to Japan.
(I'm so ignoring the recession at Japan)

I want to head to those crowded streets filled with shops and shops of spunky street wear. I want to dress like a nut case but still fit in so perfectly. I want to buy stuff that are strange, whacky, and eccentric. Things that no one dares to wear, I want to wear it. I will parade round Orchard Road and be happy.

=D Random thoughts when school is about to start again this week.

Perhaps the theme of my dressing this week should be this.

I'm such a Bimbo. And such a Bitch. AWESOME!

I dislike you, cant you tell?

Hate it when you call me "Val".
Hate it when you think you are my best friend.
Hate it when you think Samuel is your friend.
Hate it when you say things that have absolutely no purpose.

I think the bitch is back. I show how I feel and I have no time nor energy to hide feelings anymore.

I must maintain a positive outlook. But first I need to look for reasons to do so.

I'm struggling my calculus.
I'm struggling for FA.
I'm mediocre in BGS.
I'm nothing in MC.

Hello to the oh-so-sunny life I have.

Shall I fall ill tomorrow? My brain is over-used.

FUCK GDOOEY MAE, WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS.
AS IF I'M NOT FEELING FUCKED UP ENOUGH.
FUCK SMU WHO DIDNT INSTALL FUCKING ANITIVIRUS.

GAWD DAMN IT.

I FUCKING LOVE SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

=DDDDDDDDDD

FIVE FUCKING WEEEKS, I'M SURE I CAN DO IT!

I guess life's like that. The beginning is always the toughest. Like how I wanted to quit school when JC just started, lonely and all. Then came along Tiying and Khar..

Now I'm (still) stuck in the beginning phrase. Waiting for someone to come along and hop on my SMU bandwagon.

I'll survive. Seriously, how hard can this get? As long as I dont think its tough, it wont be. As long as I think I'm having fun, I will have fun. As long as I know that I can do it, I'm sure I can. =)

Theres still a part of me that takes pride in my choice.

On a side note, I saw this really hip group of SMU girls today. Awesome checkered leggings, awesome zebra skirt, awesome neon pink tshirt, awesome fedora. =D AWESOME SHAT.

When I dont feel happy, I cannot do my work.

What constitutes my happiness?
Perhaps you will know.

I was really motivated last week to chiong all the way and charge forward with all my might. But I dont sense that urge of determination anymore. I feel like sleeping and sleeping until its the holidays again. I want to burn my FA textbook and flush it down the toilet bowl. I want to ignore all my projects and make believe that it will all be done by itself.

Hope this is just the Monday Blues that is affecting me. I cant stay like that for a week. Not that I dont want, but just that time does not allow.

I'm held captive by the burden of school.
Was about to accept it but
You dunk my head underwater.
And the agony relives.

How can I breathe when theres no air in the first place?

Wake up study.
Eat then study.
Study then sleep.

I LOVE MY LIFE!

Anyhow, I think I'm happy when I'm with happy people whom I'm happy to be with. That makes me happy. =)

Balloon sculpturing with Y Campers was really fun, colourful, noisy, camwhorish. Great way to relief stress, I must say. Its damn funny like how when we made our flowers, we started role playing with the flowers like marriage proposals, and when we made swords, we started fighting with each other. And when we made poodles, we do stupider things like how I found Hazmi's poodle as my poodle's sibling as we had weird looking tails. Its damn funny how people behave with balloons around.

I'm really glad to be loved by the people around me. Despite the crazy studying routine that I'm training myself to adapt to, I still get to go to YMCA. Its like my comfort zone. People to give me advice, to motivate me, to play with me, to make me laugh.. And a new addition, someone to tutor me. And I cant wait to see watermelons growing out of the new watermelon plant there. =)

I guess, studying at SMU would be a gazillion times harder if YMCA isnt nearby.

Is it possible for love to last a lifetime? Samuel and I have been together for 4 years alr and if we get married and live till 80, it would mean that we would be tgt for 65 years. WOAH, is that really possible?

Even now, we have problems thinking of where to go for our dates, what will happen next time? Will we run out of things to talk to? Will we run out of new things to do?

Does a soul-mate even exist? A person to share your entire life with. People said it would be great to marry your 1st love, but is it really so? What if after you get married then you find someone better? Since you've never been with anyone else, how do you know that the one you are with suits you the best?

As if life is not confusing enough...

And so, today marks the end of my 1st study break at SMU.

I guess I could have spent more time studying. But I think I will go about doing the same stuff if I get to live the week again. When the break is so short, rest should be prioritised. And yes, I had sufficient rest and fun.

Shopping, Studying, Sleepover- All done this holiday. All with Audrey! HA! =D
Samuel took time out to entertain me too. Seeing him 3 days a week is such a rare feat.
Okay now this is amazing, 3 days with Aud, 3 days with Samuel and I still managed to do FA and Calculus hmwork, revise 6 chapters of Calculus and 4 chapters of FA, go for 2 project meetings, 1 Uni Y meeing, 1 VSMP lesson, 1 Y Outing Recee.

Okay I should stop forcing myself to study. I should be satisfied right?

Just imagine, 7 weeks later and exams will be here. When Dec comes, Y Camp will be here. And soon it will my 1 mth vacation. I just have to survive 1.5 mths, I'm sure it cant be that bad.

But I think these coming 7 weeks will be tough. I have projects piling up. And I really mean PILING up. Now when I look back, I really wonder what was I complaining about PW. Piece of cake. I have projects multiply by 2 now. 1 group proj, 1 individual proj. Thats for more than 1 mod, so imagine how much shit must I do.

I have more YMCA committments now too. HAH.

However, having impeccable time management skills and high efficiency, I'm sure I will get my fair share of fun as well. =)

BRING IT ON. I'M READY TO FACE SHIT.

I have an issue with late coming.

Quite a big issue.

THIS big.

Samuel should thank Class 95 cause being vulnerable to music, I get influenced by what I hear very easily. So like when the singer goes "You know its you, Babe. Giving me the strength I need....." (pardon the lingo, its Class 95 afterall), I can totally immerse myself in the lovey feeling. Just like, now.

And yes, just in case you havent noticed, I've not been in the young music scene anymore. I decided to fall back into the past. To the oldies that you can just sing-a-long without even hearing the songs before, oldies that explain feelings so explicitly. Love means love.

I guess when life gets more complicated, its great to find things that can be understood without effort.

Happy 50mthsary + 2 days. =)

I think someone should start a research on whether time is passing more quickly than before. Time seems to whiz by so fast that it seems like it just disappeared.

When I think about life and people, time passes so slowly that it gets painful.
When I think about marginal returns and maximising profits, time passes so quickly that it gets painful as well.

Time affects everything. Feelings are clocked by time. People are controlled by time. Wounds are healed by time. Knowledge is learnt by time. Rest is fufilled by time. Age comes with time.

As I blog and watch my lappie's digital clock, time seems to know I'm looking and its not moving at all. As I focus on my paperwork, time takes advantage and runs like crazy.

If I become smart and rational enough, I'll start this research.

That basically sums up everything we did together starting from ytd.

Far East is dying. Their clothes are expensive, their designs are all the same and they all scream "BORING!". Okay but the shoes there are improving. I bought a pair of cute pumps ytd but I'm dying to get my hands on another pair of shoes which I saw. Argh!! Actually I want another pair too! OH MY. Its like I have a spending pattern, first on clothes, then on shoes, soon it will on bags. I'm in the shoes phrase. Terrrrrible.

OH I think the climax of ytd wasnt shopping though. It was the stupid, ultimate retarded chinese game we played. Being not exactly fluent in Mandarin, we had quite a good laugh conversing with only that. "Re Ben La Jiao Su Tiao" Go figure.

Slept-over at Audrey's and studied (almost) the whole of today.

It was fun. =)

OMG WTF AM I DOING?






I'm smugging.





OH NO!! I'M LIKE A TYPICAL SMU ROBOT ALR!




what to do, if not I cannot catch up with my work.




TERRRIBLE!! YOU ARE WASTING YOUR YOUTH!!



oh well, I guess thats part of growing old.



HAHAHAHHA WTF. I'M HAVING A MONOLOGUE!!!

Take me
Take me far away
Take me to a place I've never known

Trenchcoat, snow, cafe, shopping, red umbrellas, horses, love, cupcakes, hot lemon tea, wooden bridge, shophouses, flowers, leather boots, photos, tea cups, light hearted music, long curly hair, shopping bags, gossips, magazines, hats, scarves, bricks.

Desperate guys are the most irritating bunch of social screwups.
They like to talk about girls and skirts and have nothing else on their agenda.
They think they are the most desirable and most adorable creatures.
They try their best to flirt all the time, 24/7.
They talk the most rubbish but think they sound intelligent and manly.

Desperate guys should just marry each other.
Or maybe desperateguyxzx89 and desperategalzxz89 should just be together.

HAHAHA. Dont bother asking me about my post, I think I will just naturally tell people who can know.

Those pictures sum up my entire Saturday.

Serious with a tinge of fun.

In 2 hours time, my 1st presentation in SMU will commence. After every sickening presentation, it also means that I'm done with a project. This gives me the euphoric feeling I have now. Cant wait cant wait cant wait!

Okay still, I'm suffering from an aching pain in my stomach. The kind of pain that wont go away after you sleep. It will just stay there, and every time you breathe, you are reminded, by the pain, of the pain. Yes, thats how pathetic I am now.

And formal wear is kinda irritating. Its like I have to bother if my shirt is tucked out everytime I raise my hands or when I lie on the table. So troublesome. And when I carry my bag, I need to arrange my shirt properly so that it will not crumple. And the pants! And the heels!

GAHHHHH, stomach ache go away.