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Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

Not fair.

Yunting, Hongkit and I went for Steamboat dinner at AMK ytd. Was supposed to go K Box initially but damn it, all fully booked. We are flops. So Jean decided to not join us. D:

But all in all, it was actually quite fun. HAHA. All the stories at dinner, all the laughter. I felt alive again. I seriously need some after work activities to make me happy. You know, like to break out of the routine in the day, at least something different at night after work.

And my friends are awesome people who keep trying to cheer me up in their own special ways. =) Thank you, I'm better already.

What I've been doing everyday.

Picture 1: the beautiful walk every morning from Newton MRT to BIY. The trees along the road are always so majestic yet very pretty and soft. Today when the wind blew, the yellow flowers of the trees dropped and flew off with the wind. I felt so happy watching the rain of yellow flowers.

Picture 2: Some icing images that were supposed to be thrown away due to some error. We decided that we should eat them up instead, dont waste right? In the end, only I liked the taste of it so I just kept eating the Bible verse, Psalms 139? Something like that. HA.

Will capture more of my daily routine soon.

Basically, I help around the shop everyday, do stuff like what normal retail staff does, then sit at my desk to plan the 1st ever Kids Cake Decorating Competition. Yup, nothing much really. But maybe cause my boss is out of town. She'll be back on Monday and we'll see how it goes again.

I'm not happy.

One side of me wants to drop everything and pretend that we are all okay again.
Another side of me wants perfection. Wants what she always wanted, finally wants to stay firm.

I feel suffocated and soon to be dead.

When one loses faith, if she matters alot to the other, he will start panicking and try to pull her back in again.

I'm starting to lose faith. But he is just hoping to chuck things aside, he is still pushing my limits.

I'm thoroughly sick of everything. Images just keep flashing in my head, and they just make me more and more disappointed. More and more disgusted at myself.

A relationship is not supposed to be like that.

This is taking too long, too hard on my soul. I cant go to sleep sad anymore. We need to make up, patch things back again, start from scratch once more. But I just dont see you trying to do anything, all you say are just empty words.

"Will it affect you?" and I repeated like 4 times. "Yes"
"How?" and what I got was "Lights out, I need to sleep already".

How I wish things were not like that.

How I wish you would come and find me during your short book out today. I was praying and hoping for what I knew was nothing, and ya it was nothing.

How I wish you would just agree to buy me a new dress cause you knew we've not be good for a few days already. But you decided to ask Why. Why do you have to buy more presents for me now. I wish my emptiness would explain that.

How I wish you realised loneliness is accumulative. I can handle it for awhile but after too long, I just get sick of it. I dont get incentives, I even get deducted of my usual credits.

How I wish you wouldnt use NS and PMS as excuses. Cause I believe if theres more effort and more heart, things can still work out.

If you know I was leaving will you ask me not to? Or do I have to ask you to stop me before you would? Do I have to remind you how much I like it when you hold my hand or hug me again and again and again and forever, before you decide to do it? You know what, I'm starting to think you never will. Theres no me in your future.

Lets just call this the rough patch.

He cant do anything, but put down the phone, unsure about why I am unhappy.
I cant do anything either, but to hear him put down the phone, and still feeling unhappy.

This is really hard.
Compromising, and accomodating for 2 years.
What am I waiting for?
What have you promised me?
Perhaps, nothing.

To add on.

There are people who care. And I really appreciate it.

Thanks.

I need the spark back into my life again.

I want my butt rash to be okay quickly. I swear to apply cream everyday. It spoils my mood to have an itchy butt.

I want to enjoy taking photos again. I'm in the phrase when I think I look hideous and nothing I wear will make me happy. I dont even bring my DSLR out for walks anymore. I used to be more trigger excited. I want to be excited again.

I want to enjoy talking again. Opening my mouth seems tedious, let alone cracking a joke.

I want to enjoy moving again. My limbs seem so heavy, my head is so heavy. I rather lie in bed all day. I used to love heading out and meeting people. Now I find it a chore and I am jolly well better off lying around in bed.

I want to enjoy choosing clothes to wear everyday. I used to plan ahead on what I can wear when. Now, since I dont enjoy going out, I seldom get asked out, I just go to work, I rather not plan. I can wear the same outfit everyday. I dont really care. I can look blant and plain, it doesnt matter. I can go out without my 101 bracelets or rings and I still feel the same. Just as restless. If I wear them out, I feel burdened, cause my limbs are heavy already.

I want to find the drive, the enthusiasm, the mood, the excitement. I need that spark. Something to light me and set me on fire. I dont want my days to go off in a blur. Everytime I'm caught in the motion, I keep telling myself to live for the moment, dont be lazy, dont lose the passion, focus, do better, learn more, dont just go with the flow, add in abit of your flavour, let people know you exist. But right now, I just cant.

How I wish my boyfriend will read this and make me feel better. I know he cant read this so he wont make me feel better. So you see, the girlfriend suffers too when the boyfriend is in camp. So she shouldnt be taken for granted.

I want to feel loved. I feel so forgotten by everyone already. I need people around me to make me happier. But sometimes I cant help but feel that when my friends find something new, they stop looking back to see if I'm okay. Everyone just assumes I am still running.

I really in quite some pain today. I feel unappreciated and uncherished by you. Waiting for weekends seem foolish already.

I went to a Fish Farm today! HAHAHH!

My dad brought my digi cam to Beijing with him, so I was lazy to bring my DSLR out. DAMN. I forgot about the fish farm visit. I felt so handicapped without my camera.

It was Samuel's relative's farm and I think the funnest part of it was visiting the toilet. Super kampong style. Its like the cubicle above the waters, so when you pee or shit, it just drops into the water and the person outside can see your substance "pomp!" into the water. HAHAH. Super funny. Its like just a hole for you to dump ur waste. Totally back to the good ol' days manz.

Next funnest thing were stray dogs. Many of them. Big and hungry and hot. And they love stealing bread that was meant to be fish feed. Super cute. But they are like damn hum ji. I can really just watch them all day, as long as they dont come near me.

Fishes there were the small type. So nothing must to look at. Oh but I saw how jin long yu eggs look like. Omg, its like yellow jelly pearls. Very pretty. =)

And Ya, the sun was blazing hot. Sun rays on my skin. Bad. BAD. But what to do, excursion ma. I really dont know how people can really avoid the sun. Its impossible! All I can do is just splat on sunblock. Its good la, at least I wont die of skin disease next time.

Samuel was pretty tired today. He didnt talk much so it made me sad. Oh well. We'll see how it goes again next weekend.

Today is a different Saturday.

No Samuel at all. He cant book out today and he cant call me tonight. D:

Tomorrow will be a different Sunday.

He will book out then book in in a matter of hours, and when I sleep tomorrow, I will wake up to go to work the following day. Internship officially begins. My boss sent me an outline of my job scope and I kinda think everytime she tells me my job scope, it just keep expanding and expanding. From understudying the retail section, to operations of the shop, to operations of the baking classes, to almost everything. I tell you, this is becoming more and more like a entrepreneurship internship. Ya not bad at all. I've abit of an entrepreneur in me.

But it just means I have more shit to do. I can so predict my hectic days ahead of me.

This is a different summer.

Shopping with my Mum is awesome, cause she pays for everything.

We went for mani and pedicure. Then we went for teabreak, and shopping for some necessities for my whitening regime. HAHAHH! Seriously, I'm serious about it this time and it better not fail me.

So lets see, I use some Nivea facial wash with like beads inside to help with exfoliation, then I use Garnier toner, then I use the fancl whitening duno wad shit, then I use Garnier whitening moisturizer. Thats for my face. Then for my body, I wash with Lux whitening shower foam, then after shower, I apply Nivea body whitening cream. And everytime before I go out, I will apply sunblock on my face and my body. Oh and I bought aloe vera lotion for my nose which is perpetually sunburnt.

All these thanks to the recommendations of my friends. I'm totally clueless at such things, really.

Audrey was saying we are supposed to use anti ageing products at our age but I'm just starting to learn how to wash my face properly. Heh, better late than never right?

Okay now, since I'm going to start my internship soon, 1030am to 730pm everyday, it just means that I wont get to see the sun too often, means my regime should better work. Okay I dont expect myself to me as fair and white as some people but I just want a skin tone lighter. Not too high expectations right?

Now, lets all start praying for a miracle. =)

Escapade to Bintan is over. HA. I'm glad I had a fair share of the sun and did not get too much tanner. Its a win win situation. It rained like *&#$&)#( on the 1st day though. But that gave us a very memorable car ride through the forest and in the thunderstorm. Macciam like a scene from Jurassic Park. It was quite scary actually. HAHHA.

All in all, I'm glad we really went to Bintan and now its time to get back into reality. Internship is starting real soon and I feel the pressure already.

Crazieeee shopping today with Kiang pin and Sabrina today.

Kiang Pin and I met and we went shopping around Ion, Far East, then later Sabrina joined us for dinner at 313, so we shopped there after dinner, then we headed back to Far East, then to Ion and our last stop was meeting Sabrina's boyfriend at Wisma. Seriously, it was like an amazing race challenge. HHAHA.

Bought super duper loads of stuff today. Super happy. =))) It was liberating and it really felt like exams are truely over and I can shop without a burden at the back of my mind. Heh. LOVE IT.

Shall wait for Kiangpin's photos and blog about today again.

Off to Bintan tomorrow! =)

HOHOHOHOHO. HELLO BINTAN. I swear even if its for 1 night and 1 freaking night only, I'm still damn excited. I really hope it doesnt rain, or else it will be sooo bummed like no blue blue skies and white clouds and nice clear seas.

But as of now, I really dont want a tan. I'm using like Garnier Light for like 2 days alr, and I dont want my efforts of washing my face and moisturizing it to come to waste. So bimbotic but hello, thats money on my face. Not say Garnier is an expensive brand also la.

What should I bring?

Samuel is back in camp again.
Our routine of being butterfly lovers begins again.
I swear I hope he books out this weekend.
I miss him already.

We seem to cherish time more when he books out late. Maybe its only me, cause Samuel will say he cherish all his time with me. Its like we only met him at 530pm but I felt super loved all the way till we parted. =)

Maybe its the no-more-burden-from-exams feeling. I feel light and carefree. Okay Y Proms is at the back of my mind.

My birthday is on a sunday. And Y proms is on the saturday before it. So I cannot have a party on Sat but on Sun, Samuel will have to book in and I will be sad, so I cant have it on Sun either. So if I have a party, it will happen the week before my birthday. But thats if I have a party la. HAHAH! But then again, even without a party, Samuel cnt celebrate my birthday for an entire day with me- not on sat and not on sun. If you get what I mean la, so its sadddd.

We've decided (more like I've decided) that we will celebrate our birthdays together. We will celebrate it on his birthday which is 2 weeks before mine cause he has a long weekend bookout then.

Okay, 1 more week before internship begins. Now that I have freedom, internship seems gross. Its like play > internship > school and exams. So when I was still schooling, internship was happiness. Oh boy.

HAHAH! Stupid photos make me happy.

fuck fuck fuck.

stomach ache.

or isit cramps?

fuck. damn pain correct alr.

I truely believe I can analyse Lady Gaga's songs and MTVs like a literature text.

I miss Samuel. D:

Everytime when our exams end, we reward ourselves and will spend the next few days going out together.

Now even though my exams are over, we dont get extra time together too. D: This just shows very clearly how diverted our routes are now.

My end of sem celebrations feels a little melancholy without him.

Cheryl's first cake baking class. =DD

I cannot stop eating my cake now. But I think MJ and I added too much sugar alr. Heh. But it was fun, it felt like primary school. We were asking Cheryl so much, making so much noise, comparing our cakes, laughing at our mess, haolianing when Cheryl said we were A+ while the others were not. HAHHA. It was cute. =))

OMG YEAHHH!

THE GAY GUY WON!

(I know this is damn bimbo but I've been watching Paris Hilton New BFF.)

YIPPPPPPEEEE! He was like eliminated in the last round cause he was still a guy afterall (I felt so sad when he was out), then last min when Paris Hilton had to choose someone out of the 2 last contestants, she said she changed her mind and wanted him to be her BFF instead. HAHHA!

OMG! Damn happppppy! YEAH!

Okay I better hurry out to meet Cheryl!

K suite photos were stolen from Sophie. =D

I had a great 1st day of freedom yesterday. Heh. It was damnnnn fun I tell you, damn good workout also. HAHAH!

So first Guosheng, Minjing, Ning and I went to YMCA, did a recee at Fort Caning Park, kena bitten by steroid strong mosquitoes. Siao one, they pierced through my leggings to poke me la. Ya we picked like about 300 xiao si dou for Wen Xiang cause we were celebrating his birthday later and we had no present whatsoever.

Dinner was damn chaotic, nowhere to go, so many people everywhere. So we decided to pack food and picnic at the new Dhoby Green place. So the big group of us (plus Tricia who had to leave early cause she has 2 papers today. Crazy and she still came! Totally buddy love!) sat around in a circle (as usual) and like chatted and stuff. It was actually very comfortable just talking and laughing at each other.

Tricia was talking to me yesterday and she was saying how nice it was that this dinner outing was soooo out of the blue and last minute but in the end so many of us turned up. And seriously, its still the exams period. Its just the Y camp bond we have, and the openness to meeting up, and how important each other are to each other. Its like Deric just told me yesterday that the NUS Mar YCC ppl are meeting up for dinner and suddenly all 13 of us decided to have dinner all together to celebrate Wenxiang's bday. It was sweet.

It was tough parting but we had to go for K Suites already. So Ning, Guosheng, Sophie, Peifen and I headed down to Orchard Parade Hotel. And when we entered our room, our first reaction was like "WOAH" and everyone just rushed up onto the bed. HAHHA! Super funny. We sang and sang and sang and dance and dance and jump and jump and nuaed around. It was mega fun. Like the funnest craziest K box session ever. It was like a live concert. HAHAHH! You know when got some hyper song plays, then you jump and head bob and put your hands up and groove to the music? Ya thats what we did la. Siao oneeee. Macciam like rock concert la.

Seriously totally throw image all away kind of fun. But its the 1st night of freedom so heck la. HAHAHHHAH! I think this group is a great K box group. We had so much fun. We have a good number of fan girls too. Sophie was damnnnnn funny when she kept screaming at some Korean band. Ning was siao as usual la. We sang like a good mix of chinese and english songs too. Thankfully.

After K, Guosheng Ning and I just wandered around the streets cause it was 3am and we wanted to wait till the 1st bus comes. So we went to TCC-24 hrs to talk through the night. Heh.

I'm so excited to bake later. Cherlee's small class will be super cute later. Its really like a baking class cause she set up like a event on fb and people can just join us. Super cute, I tell you. =)

So now that the summer is here, what do I have in mind for myself?

You know what, I'm just counting down the hours to which I can finally go to sleep, then wake up just in time tomorrow to head out to school to take my paper. Then no no no no no more studying!

OMGOMGOMGOMG.

Ning and I just planned the awesomest way to spend tomorrow. HAHAHAHA!

Yo yo yo. 2 more days. Hen kuai de. Wo yao jia duo duo you.

That day we were just talking about how I will feel weird if my siser (JC1) gets attached, cause shes so young and fresh and ya, young. Then I looked at him and suddenly I couldnt stop giggling. "Actually JC 1 not very young horrr" and he started smiling too. Ya we started way back in Sec 3. HAHAHHA!

I guess I love the way Samuel makes me giggle (not laugh) for no reason.

I realised many of our phonecalls are of me talking nonstop about my imaginations and weirdest ideas. I was yakking away about my surprise party that I will hold for him. I will throw it in an arcade cause he likes to go there everytime we go out, then we will play the basketball game thing. I will be super thrilled when I passed Stage 1, then die at Stage 2 with like 90+ score and feel damn good about myself. Then when I lose, I will just stand there, and wait and wait and wait, while he continue passing the other stages. Then he scores so high but he will never haolian to me while I keeeeeep haolianing to him cause I improved.

Okay back to topic, ya 21st party at the arcade, how cool is that manzz. Then I continued yakking about inviting the different people whom I think are close to him, then continue yakking about his birthday presents- a chocolate cheese cake, a full set of swimming gear, a closet of clothes to make him look even better so that he will have alot of admirers that he wont fall for, and also a hand made dumbell that weighs 10kg cause he said I cannot afford even 1 side of a dumbell set. I wanted to buy him the whole gym set of dumbells initially.

So yaaa I totally side tracked from the first conversation topic. "I will be overseas from 2 Aug to 17 Aug". If you are my stalker, you would have know the drama behind those dates. "Why must you always go overseas on our anniversary!" Samuel went to China before on those dates. D: But ya, I dont know how I managed to digress until birthday plans. I'm not sad now, but I would be when August approaches.

And I know why I love Samuel. He seems to love hearing me talk alot. He thinks my nonsense makes sense. He makes me feel all bubbly giggly gay talking nonstop. Seriously, its like a disease, I can talk to him about my stomach ache very happily too. Hurts like fuck you know, but telling him makes everything so much better.

Hao le, Wo yao du shu le.

FUCKKKK.

MY EXPENSIVE LIKE FUCK EAR STUD IS GONE!

My part time maid washed it down the sink. BLOODY HELL. I'M SO PISSED WITH HER. Seriously, she must have been washing the sink with her eyes closed or sth. KNN.

KNNNNNNNN IM SO PISSED. FUCKKKKK.

My supercoolballbearingstud is gone for good. Shes so gonna get it from me. (Actually not really cause I dont see her often.) KNN LEHHH. ARGH!

I have a dream,
a song to sing.

After I got my Canon, I asked Rachael, so does that mean I can take photos of random well dressed strangers on the train? And Rachael said, of course, DSLR leh. Something like that.

I think I really do want to do that. After my exams, I want to get my wide angle lens and my macro lens. Self pampering, or maybe I can ask my Dad to give me my super early birthday present. Heh. (I always do that then I will end up with another present on my bday again. HAHAH!)

I want to start snapping photos of people. I spend alot of my everyday going through fashion blogs, photography blogs, random people's blogs, just to ogle at the photos. Its like my muse. Why dont I start doing it for myself? I want to take photos of people on the street who put in extra effort to look better for the day. I want to observe what people wear and look good in. I want to embrace colours all over again.

I guess I might just do it for real this time. But I need to first take better photos, then to gather all the courage to snap photos of strangers. And perhaps think of a snappy cool blog address. I shall not use blogspot for it cause blogspot behaves awkwardly with photos.

Okay really, back to mugging.

3 more days of mugging.

As I grow up, I become very intolerant of mugging. In the past, I can mug one whole day and feel accomplished at the end of it. I can write notes on drawing paper and stick it up on my cupboard. I will chant and rmb all details in my notes, so much so that during my exams, I will imagine that piece of drawing paper and I can visualise the words on it. I was dead pro. Or else why A levels got so many As. HAHHA!

Now, I just read through what I need to know enough for the paper and I'm done for the day. Are Uni exams meant to be slacker? But come to think of it, I only have 2 papers, 1 open book somemore. Okay right?

3 more days. 3 more days.

Actually in 2 days time, I will be going out with Ning alr. I cant remember what are we doing on Wednesday. Then on Thurs, I will be baking at YMCA. Cherlee is going to teach us mango/strawberry cheesecake.

But then again, I dont really have like loads of activities lined up after my papers, everyone are still having their papers. NTU and NUS are still damn busy. Meaning I cant ask Aud and the rest out, cant ask Jean out either. Mmm. Alot of alone time I guess. Kiang will only be free after 20th and Sab will only be free in May. People reading this, come on ask me out. I only have 14 April to 26 April to play. My hols end really early and I know by then some of your exams still havent end. =/

Okay erh, Mug on!

How do you shop at gmarket ah?
So confusing, so many flashing icons.
But there are actually alot of nice pretty stuff there.
Mmm..

Samuel and I caught When In Rome yesterday, and yeahhhh its been a while since I watched a almost brainless love show with Samuel. =)) And thats when I found out that Kristen Bell is damn chio. No wonder before the movie, Samuel point to the movie poster and told me "I know her. She is from Heros."

But ya, if I'm male, I will totally put her as my screensaver, desktop background, handphone wallpaper, profile picture and what ever other channels there are. Too bad la, I'm female.

Then I found this super cute girl on lookbook too. I further stalked her and got to her blog. Showed her to Kunloong and I bet he is having a crush on her too. Maybe more than crush but nvm about the further details. But yaaa, shes super chio. And she has great skin, great eyes, great cheekbones (which I have a fetish for). And to top if all off, she is a creative director of some firm now. WIN. Pretty and talented.

So sad hor, But I'm sure they have their own problems, issues and flaws too. But for not so pretty and not so talented people, like you and me, we have our own problems, issues and flaws too. So yaaaa, not fair yo.

kl. says:
WHAHAHAHAHAA
okayyy her blog is under my favourites now
first blog to enter favourites
hahahs

See how influential pretty girls are. HAHAHHAH!

But I guess its a never ending competition if you always want to look better or be smarter. So I say, lets be happy at the bottom. I should stop mugging now! =DDD But I'm so bored with nothing to do. Samuel is watching Date Night so he cant msg me. Jean is at Esther's birthday party. See. Everyone. Is. Out. Having. Fun. But. Me.

We look like we havent slept in days. DAMN. Studying makes me ugly. D: But ya, I didnt study at all ytd and its felt good till it ended. The guilt just rushes into my brain everytime I think about all the slack time which could be converted into study time. But then sometimes theres this devil in my head that tells me its okay, just slack, just rest and relax, 5 more days and its the holidays anyway, plan your holidays! WAHH.

Okay hare core for 2 days k. I must mug like siao.

HAHAH I'm going to die of laughter.

Everytime I see a fb notification, I will be damn excited to head to Yvalning bday party page. Seriously, it all started as a joke, not sure if its a joke but it seems to be real already.

So Ning and I, our bdays are 3 days apart. And due to certain conversation topics, we started talking about planning the most unique, no-one-has-done-it-before party. Then she was like plan it in SMU gym la! And we go on saying we've never even been to SMU gym. So she decided to open an invitation to our bday event on fb, just to see if it works.

Then now, within a few decent hours, we have enough people to throw a party alr. 26 confirmed guests. HAHAH. WTH MAN. I swear all the people who are invited are like YMCA people only and that we know most of them. For those whom I'm not close to, are close to Ning and vice versa. This is to show that we really made alot of friends through YMCA.

Wait till it reaches 63 guests first, then we might really throw a party.

And if this really coems true, I might be able to plan an individual party for my other friends who I still love too. =)

Happy 5x12+8
=68 (hahaha I previously counted this wrongly cause my math is erh ya.)
monthsary
Dear.

It hasnt been easy.
I guess thats why we are still together.

=)

Robotninjas have like the nicest maxidresses that always go OOS. DAMN.

I feel like puking again.

I think its indigestion but why again? KNS. It gives me the perfect excuse to just sleep all day and ignore my notes.

NO I CANNOT DO THAT! AH.

Im sick of reading notes everyday.

Hates the phrase "See how (first)".
The person who invented this phrase is horrible.

Rachael will totally agree with me. We want a Yes or No answer. If its a Yes, we need details, like who what when why how. At the very least, when. We just cannot be left hanging, we need to plan ahead. I dont know if its just us being very anal or its some kind of disorder but we need to plan. Like for example, if I'm going out to have fun at say 2pm, I will wake up earlier at 9 if I need to study, or I will wake up at like 12 so I can have lunch then head out. So if I dont know the time, I will end up wasting time. And I will end up either 1. spamming your phone with smses or 2. keep holding onto my phone and hope you finally give me a time and be distracted in my thoughts and not be focused on my notes.

Its just us, we are very intolerable to see hows. D:

No one is online now to be excited with me, so ya. SEEEE! "Landed 01:36" Maybe you cant see cause I print screened this in excitement so the quality sibeh lousy.

OMGOMGOMG HURRY CALL ME. I WANT TO EXPLODE ALR. OMGOMGOMG. BREATHEE. OMGOMGOMG. HEHEHE. WHY ARE YOU NOT CALLING ME? OMGOMGOMG. OMG. OMG. I'M LIKE HOLDING ONTO MY PHONE, EYES ON MY ECONS NOTES, HEART AND MIND SOMEWHERE ELSE. I CANNOT CONTAIN MY EMOTIONS.

AHH. HURRY UP LEHZ!

LAO NIANG DONT KNOW WHAT TO FEEL NOW. I NEED TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT YOU ARE BACK. HURRRRY! DONT TELL ME YOU ARE IN THE FLIGHT THATS LANDING AT 01:56. BU YAO!

Someone needs to talk to me now. I need to calm down.

Happy to lay here
Just happy to be here
I’m happy to know you
Play me a song
Your newest one
Please leave your taste on my tongue
Paperweight on my back
Cover me like a blanket

Paperweight. =)

I was waiting for my bus at the SOA busstop just now when 3 familiar faces alighted from the bus. I swear no one will look as excited as them upon seeing me.

Philip are you reading this?

3 APSN friends came over, waving happily at me and Z was practically going hysterical exclaiming "YMCA Jie Jie!!" HAHAHHA. Omg manz. And they kept asking me if I was going to June YCC. I think they asked me like 3 times or sth in the short 2 mins. They were really excited.

I think the people at the busstop were shocked. We looked like long lost friends or sth.

Lets go for a picnic in the woods. =)

No more online shopping. NO MORE!

Gosh, when I'm lonely I tend to shop more cause I need material to make me happy and excited.

Dear, I know you will read my blog in 2 days time, can you pay for the dress I just bought online? HAHAH!

Day 917280896784672.

Today and tomorrow should just be evaporated away. D:
I must study more so that when he comes back we have time to play.
But I dont have the happy mood to study.
I rather sleep the whole day away cause when you sleep, you dont know the time.
Maybe I should just head to school early to mug.
Why must I have school today?
If I'm out studying with Jean, I will be alot happier.
Alot less lonely.
Alot more smiles.
And there will be nice warm starbucks coffee,
which I love so much but havent had time to savour.
Can the exams be over and done soon?
Can Samuel come back home soon?
Can the night come soon?
Can I sleep again soon?
Can this day be gone soon?

Not as easy as it sounds.

Just coming up with a list of who to invite is torturous enough. Like how close is close enough, how often we talk is often enough, what if we were close then and not now, what if we are just fun friends but we dont know each other well, what if we were not close but we just met up again recently, what if we were just working partners but we seem happy working together, what if you belong to a group but I'm close to majority but not a few of you, what if you are the only one in the group that I'm close to, blah blah blah.

Dear, I know what you are going to say when I tell you I might have a birthday party. "You see! I knew it."

After much thoughts, I think maybe I should just have multiple group celebrations instead. Like if you are my friend, just invite me to somewhere nice. Ya, sounds like a plan.

I think I might just have a birthday party. But thats if I find the perfect venue that fits the perfect image in my head which is within the budget.

Maybe its the events planner in me, before any events, I will have this whole playback of the event in my head. I can image the whole party, the place, the deco, the food, the people, and the things people are wearing. I tell you, I'm damn anal to the point that I want people to dress in theme to fit the whole party. If they are not dressed in my expectations, I might just be disappointed. HAH omg Friends, please do not feel pressurized.

Despite people telling me a dinner party would be better, I might just have a lunch party cause it is daytime in my imagination. But then again, if its lunch time, I cant have my nice dimly lit orange lights. Damn. Its tough cause I like both the sunlight and also the cool breeze at night.

I want everything to be peaceful and quiet on my birthday. We'll drink tea and eat muffins. Listen to acoustic love songs and just busk in the beauty of nature. =)

No loud birthday songs, but I think if Samuel sings me an acoustic version while strumming the country guitar, I might just believe in birthday songs then. I dont believe in making wishes to candles too, so dont make me do it.

I want everyone to be dressed in pastel colours. No dark scary emo colours like black or dark brown. Everyone must be in light girly pink, white, cream, yellow, sky blue, lavender and such. Guys are not allowed to be in dark colour pants as well. So khaki or white is only allowed. Unless you have nice pastel coloured pants too, then it will be damn awesome. I imagine my girl friends to appear in nice pastel dresses, flowly but still tight at the bust area. Country lace is encouraged too. No kinky looking lingerie lace.

My birthday party will be perfect,
in my imagination.

I find this photo absolutely hilarious. Han Heng is like ^_^, look at his eyebrows. HHAHA! No 1 candid photo of the year.

Dear is officially back from the forests. =D YEAH! Morse code way of communication is back in use. Heh. I miss my boyfriend very much. And I miss having bangs very much too. Jean needs to give me a haircut alr.

I must seeeeeriously starting mugging like crazy. Today's aim: to finish studying week 7 and week 9's work for Econs. Shit not enough time liao laa.

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Michelle's 21st birthday party! Omg manz, when we entered the gate today, all of us went weak in our knees. The mansion was damn fucking chiobig. The swimming pool was super pretty and we decided to call it Maldives. We were like "hey lets go to Maldives". HAHA.

Self declared holidays. =D I will work hard tomorrow. I really did work tonight as promised. I sent my part of my report to my groupmate already.

Shisha was great today, not because the shisha was great per say but it was cause the company was a great bunch of people. Friends who are somehow open to each other and we dare show how ugly and unglam we really are. Like Hongkit and I can sing Tik Tok like nobody's business. HAHA. I bet we are going to continue all this madness in our upcoming kbox session. =D

Today is Day 5. Just the weekend to go before he heads out of the forest and into camp again. I cant wait. I think even if I receive a missed call, I will feel extremely happy already.

Killer fun day later today. MINDS outing early in the morning (I'm left with like less than 5 hours to sleep), then Y Dance, and I will then rush off for my friend's bday party. I'm sure time will pass as fast as a maglev train today.

Day 4. I was missing him alot on Day 3 night but I decided that I should miss him happily like I promised.

Celebration for successfully going through SMU's hectic life for 2 whole years. I guess the other bands besides Goodfellas werent that bad. HA. I think it was quite awesome that I could convert my disgust for the guys dancing beside me into amusement. We ended up laughing alot at them and the stupid things they do.

I really dont understand why nerd guys want to act cool? Just be yourself la. And I dont understand why girls are throwing themselves onto guys? Like no standard guys. I shall not write anything here, in fear of being sued for being racist and sizist.

I shall not be emo anymore cause finally after spending days and nights doing my assignment, I've officially finished it. =)

I'm finally going to meet Yunting again tomorrow. And we are going to meet Hongkit and Jean for dinner and shishaaaaa too. Awesome stuff manz. But thats only after I suffer enough in the morning's meeting. Zzz. As the saying goes, first bitter, then sweet. Saturday will be damn awesome too. MINDS outing, Y Dance, my LTB friend's all white birthday party. I heard my friend's house is wicked huge. Whoohoo, excited ttm. My LTB group sure camwhore like crazy.

Next wednesday will soon come in no time. I swear I will start abit of studying tomorrow night.