Valerie
Zhss, NYJC, SMU
sammificated
De Parti.

muchthanks.

Designer Basecodes
AdobePhotoshop

Archives:
February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010

Lets slow down
and start going backwards.

I was thinking of coming up with a birthday wishlist, so why not start with something luxurious? HAHAHHHAH! Wait till I buy my 1st lottery ticket and strike some gold bars.

I still love my boyfriend and my boyfriend loves me.
We will make things work.
Cause as long as theres love, theres nothing we cannot overcome.

K box has blankets too! Bet you guys didnt know that. I was damn funny cause when we were ushered into the room, the waitress asked if we wanted anything or sth like that, and Hongkit who just so happens to love to cheehong girls, he went "ya we need jackets" and the waitress went "oh wo men you!" and she came back with 2 blankets.

But ya this is a photo of 3 guys snuggling under the blanket. Hanshen looks very happy while Yongjun and Hongkit look violated.

http://www.afabula.com.br/#/catalogo/

I need an escape.

I think I've been expecting too much and wanting too much. I make my wants too known and I make my expectations very obvious. The more I want, the more irritated he gets, the lesser I get.

I really hope PMS will go away soon, so that I have a clearer mind to think of what I am seeking for.

I'm just as confused by your actions like how you are confused with mine.

I was touched that you remembered your weekend promise without me reminding you about it today. But I felt weird by your hostility when you were leaving.

http://gen.gmarket.co.kr/challenge/neo_goods/goods.asp?goodscode=178508940 go look at the super chio blazers they have. Scroll down for more. And they are only about S$24.

OMG I'm going to die. So many cheap but chio stuff on Gmarket. And I wont have to pay any postage fees now that my brother is there. HOHOHO.

And so my brother left for Korea, 6 weeks only but this is the longest time anyone in my family has been away. But now, its time to shop Gmarket. HOHOHO!

I feel a certain way everytime my phone rings. Razorlight sings:

"I'm, tired of love
Yeah, sick of love
I've taken more than enough


Oooh darling who needs love?
Who needs a heaven up above?
Who needs all the arguments, who needs to be right, not I
But I just can't give up without a fight, not I"

My ringtone just seems to understand me a great deal or maybe not understand me at all. Its an irony in an irony sorta thing. Do I need love? And next moment I go, yeah of course, I love my boyfriend. And next moment I go, shucks maybe not, I'm sick of things falling short of expectations, I'm sick of hoping for nothing. And next moment I get a hug and think yeah I like being loved, and then I go No I hate being reliant on a damnhug.

Now I'm like perplexed. I would very much want to be greatly loved now. But I just dont want to ask for it, and I dont want to request for it, I want it to come naturally, but it wont so I shouldnt hope or wish or what not but I dont want it cause it just reminds me of horrible things and my confused state of mind and I seriously dont know what I want but I know you will tell me you dont know to make it better. And I dont know how long more can I take that as a reason.

The longer it gets, the more insecure you become.
But the longer it gets, the lesser the attention and love you get.

I'm a miserable insecure girlfriend, whose boyfriend doesnt know how to make me feel more secure and ends up making me feel worse and doesnt try to make things better after.

Why do we need volunteer leaders?

Leaders influence. They influence more people to become volunteers, they spread the word of voluntarism. They get more people to help more people.

Leaders plan and run programs. I'm sure the staff will agree, alot of small progs are run by volunteers, people whom they trust, people who actually know the benes more than them. Leaders are the ones who plan the progs to cater to each and every bene, to make sure everything goes smoothly, to make sure the volunteers enjoy themselves, make sure the benes enjoy themselves, make sure the committee learns, make sure everyone learns, make sure that the progs will continue running.

Leaders set the tone. Leaders are firm when they know they have to so that volunteers will understand how serious the matter is. Leaders are happy and gay when they want the mood to be jovial and fun. Leaders are the friendly people who make volunteers feel comfortable and very at home. They show unity and show how that comm service volunteers are like family.

Leaders think deeper. They think of how to improve progs, how to influence more, how to set the tone. They think of new places to go, new games to plan, new activities to host. They discuss and plan out expectations. They meet up so much cause comm service is very important to them and that they know that everything they do will just drizzle down all the way to the ground. What they do, what they conduct, what they say, they are all being observed very closely by other leaders, and by volunteers.

Its not easy being a leader. But there is certainly a need for leaders. A world will never exist without leaders.

Leaders should stop stressing themselves. You guys are human too. Let go, enjoy every bit of it, cause when you enjoy it, you influence more, you plan better progs, you have a clearer mind to think, and the tone you set will be just fine. =)

Working out expectations is great but dont overdo it. Expecting too much leaves you with nothing. Expecting too lil is worse but I'm sure many of you wont fall into this category. Dont put expectations on things you cannot control. Dont expect everything to go perfectly cause no matter what something will happen. Even if nothing happens, you will still think of something that happened and take it hard on yourself. Lighten your heart, and your load will lighten too.

The best part of planning events: going out on trips.

Even though we decided to host it inhouse, I still get to head out to look for trophies and canvas bags. HEH. I get to leave in about half an hour (4pm) and I dont have to come back. WHOOHOO!

Its like an extra loooong weekend. =) But this short week has been quite busy for me at work. Sending out 1 million emails, receiving peanuts amount, calling back, rushing people, rushing myself, being rushed by deadlines. Time passed quick enough.

Things are heating up and I like it.

I had having so much gas in my stomach all the time.
Like Im super bloated ALL the time, like my stomach is a balloon about to burst.
D: HATE IT.

This first picture is our free superyummywarmandverysoft bread with erh, black vegebean kinda sauce.
Secondary School reunion. HAH! And we went to this gorgeous place, Giraffe. Ya the place where everyone is saying is damn ex but its damn nice. Ya its damn nice, but the price was okay waddd, like main course was about say $16? Not too bad right? You guys can bring your dates there next time, its a very nice soothing place to be at.

And ya the thought of meeting up got me a lil nervous excited today but I guess I was nervous for nothing. Everything went great and we chatted like how we used to in the past. Its really nice knowing that some friendships may have changed along the way but if we make an effort to pick things up again, everything can be alot less awkward and alot more friendlier and alot more familiar again.


I'm sure we will meet up alot more after today. =) We can update each other face to face and not just through our blogs. Heh, something we seem to be very proud of.

Weekly affair. This time, we went to eat Macs (AGAIN!) and icecream at island creamery. And we are counting down till Yiling comes home again! Then it will be 3 of us once more. =)

Lets see, mmmm,
Okay I get it.

You are just not one of us.

Meaning of volunteering to me:

I get to help people, and I get to learn more about myself. I understand my society better, I get to know more people, I make alot of friends. Friends with common interests, and we all want to benefit the society and the people around us who needs us. Its the act of putting smiles on everyone's faces, pushing through limits to impact more, influence more. But most importantly, its fun, light hearted, an espresso on a Saturday morning, a triple espresso during camps, an adrenaline rush to help, a bag full of friends, an escape from urbanisation, utopia free of stress, laughter and joy.

Volunteering is supposed to be easy.

Why is my idea of voluntarism fading? Its becoming power hungry, experience hungry, hungry to be a laojiao, hungry to be on top, hungry to give advice. It is discriminating, it rejects, it gossips, it bitches, it talks too much. It is exaggerated and scary. Its policy making and policies clashing and just major politics. It is turning ugly and I dont like it.

No, actually I fucking hate it.

Pity Sabrina couldnt join us. D:

We managed to sell out quite alot of our stash of clothes. Kiangpin's stuff sell damn fast la and she earned quite alot, sibeh pressurizing. HA! But actually as long as I breakeven from the rental cost and earn a little, I'm quite okay alr. After all if I dont sell my stuff here, they probably end up in the bin.

And it wasnt boring sitting there for like 8 hrs or so. I had alot of fun painting my nails, yakking about dont know what, looking at chio bus (damn alot!), looking at what people wear, collecting money, eating, talking smmore, taking photos, occassional shopping trips around, and time passed pretty quickly! Alot faster than when I'm at work.

Today is a great day.

MINDS Woodlands has just confirmed their attendance for Uni Y FOC and I'm sooooo happy. Like I'm very thrilled cause I love MINDS Woodlands and I have ultra fond memories of Apr YCC there. Now, I might even consider taking 2 days leave for FOC. HA!

Thanks to Jean's facebook post, I found a damn chio coffee place that sells excellent coffee just a road away from my workplace. The coffee there smells and tastes like real coffee. And the environment there is really relaxing and comforting. Nice quaint lil cafe. Very few people with very nice baristas there. And best of all, everything is by tipping, you can pay any amount you want in money jugs around the cafe.

AWESOME YO!

$93 stupid topshop jacket. ARGHHH. I WANT!

Edible cannnn. Their craftwork is really impeccable.

Brownies today! Sweet treat from one of the instructors here. =)

Today I tell the story of sexism.

Girls want to have the freedom, wants to be advanced in their careers, want this want that. Then on the other hand they say thinks like "I cannot take it if my boyfriend doesnt pay", "I cannot have a poor husband", "my boyfriend must drive". They just take things for granted.

Yes I admit I want my boyfriend to drive, not because I want to be driven around and not because I dont want to take public transport. I dont need my boyfriend to drive, as long as I have a car and I can drive, I really dont mind driving my bf around. Its about getting to places that is non accessible by public transport.

I get pretty turned off by girls who talk about how independent they are then talk about how guys should protect them. Its bullshit, if I'm her boyfriend and I hear such things, I probably flip and dump her.

Hello, your guy is human, not your man slave.

This is brightening up my whole night. =) From http://www.babyladyinc.com/.

I've decided to step out of my comfort zone, and enter a new circle where there might possibly be no one I know there. Okay I only know Eileen there but shes in charge so shes unbiased and harsh. HAHH!

I'm ready to start already. I've the same ambitious thoughts in my head. The feeling is back.

I have been thinking seriously and I've come to a conclusion to join. =)

Insensitive yo.

Damn awesome. HAHA. 1 Soyabean, 1 Chinchow, 1 Michael Jackson.

My friend was talking about how a hug can help suck away all the wei qu. And I cant agree more. I didnt get my weekend hug! D:

I think this happens every year. I'm so excited for Samuel's birthday, more excited than I am for my birthday. I have such awesome plans. HAHAH. I swear I will keep my lips sealed and not tell Samuel anything. But then again, Samuel is a conman, everytime he asks me about a secret, I will just accidentally blurt everything out.

Today is Sunday, means I'm emo today, the sun just doesnt shine on me, it should be called Darkcloudsday instead of Sunday. I miss my boyfriend. I'm going to blog like a whiny kid cause I really miss my boyfriend. D: I feel so empty today. Its like my week isnt concluded. I feel so tired like I just have to go on and on and on as if 3 weeks = 1 week cause only after 3 weeks then I get to see Samuel, then he will conclude my week.

I hope he calls me tonight. D: He called me for 2 happy mins yesterday. I want more happy mins tonight.

"Your boyfriend is very fit"
HAHAHH!

Let me see how am I supposed to reply when someone tells me that again the next time.

1. "Erh, thank you"
2. "Oh yeah baby, damn he is one hell of a man"
3. "dude, of course I know, he carries me and walk 24 km for training"
4. "yeah yeah. I know, everyone is telling me that"

SO FUNNY. I cannot stop laughing. Why am I so laughable today. HAHHA.

I really dont know how fit is Samuel, I mean like how to measure fitness or strength? But all I know is that he has a very hot bod. And thats enough for me. =D

I bought the nude weave looking topshop bandage skirt. After buying that, I really felt like I was done for the day, more than satisfied.

It was different spending Saturday with Jean. It didnt feel like a Saturday. I'm just too used to be with Samuel on Saturdays. I wouldnt say I didnt enjoy myself today, because I did and I think its cause my mind lied and told me it wasnt the weekend. Tsk, but at least I had fun. =P

I'm sorry Jean but thinking about the cine door can still make me laugh nonstop. AHAHHAHHA! Omg the image. is. just. so. amusing. Omg I dont know how to explain.

Assuming Sunday just disappears, I'm left with 1 week and 4 days before Samuel comes home. =)

After I turned off my laptop last night, I suddenly went into a frenzy. I forgot to tell my blog how much I miss Samuel.

My blog is like my best friend. And if I dont tell my blog I miss Samuel, I probably wont tell anyone else either. My blog doesnt judge, doesnt tease, and most importantly, my blog wont react awkwardly. You know like if you go to a friend and say stupid mushy stuff abt your boyfriend, its going to be weird.

Okay, no my main purpose wasnt to blog about my blog. My purpose of blogging today is huge. Its to tell the world what NS girlfriends go through. Its her hell in his hell on earth. I can predict how random this entry will be so pardon me. Thoughts are just flying around in my brain.

Meaning of Weekends:
BF and GF will feel very very thankful for weekends, but both are thankful for different reasons. BF will be thankful cause he can finally see the world and just, nua aka sleep aka be a zombie. GF will be thankful cause she can finally see her world (BF) and just keep talking and cuddling. So you see, expectations are different. BF will want to have some quiet time, stoning and resting his mind and body. But GF wants excitement, wants dates, wants surprises, wants alot alot alot of love. Clash. To GF, its like weekends is when she can get her real BF back (the typical non-NSmen BF). But she tends to forget that the weekdays has cause her BF to carry a certain amount of burden and he cant be like a typical BF even if its only for a Saturday. He is still the same ol' NS BF.

Meaning of Phonecalls:
BF thinks that hes very updated with his GF's life, cause he makes an effort to call every night, even if its just for 15 mins. GF is thankful, but she knows that her life everyday cannot be summarised into 15 mins. GF doesnt just do things in the day, she does things, then reflect on the deed, reflect on the people involved, reflect on the weather, reflect on her clothes, reflect on the people's clothes, reflect on practically everything. So in that 15 mins, she probably can only tell him what she did and not what she truely feel. And besides that, when she feels strongly abt sth in the day, she wants to tell him at that moment, but she cant. So when it reaches the night, she has alr lost the drive to talk about it. Not that its not important anymore, but its just that she thinks what has passed, has passed, lets not bore him with the details. And feelings have to be cultivated. GF needs about 10 mins to hear you, feel you, get excited about everything, take on hyper mode so she wont bore you, be sweet and loving, and when shes all hyped up to tell you her stuff, BF will say the 2 word curse "Lights out".

Meaning of Idontknowwhat:
BF thinks he goes through alot in camp, guys everywhere, no one to flirt with, confirm will not do anything wrong so if anything goes wrong, its the GF. But GF sees the world everyday, guys everywhere, so many people to flirt with but she cant. Its different kind of tolerance. GF is not complaining, cause she chose to love someone in camp, but just wants more appreciation. GF suppresses all her expectations of her BF cause she knows he cant achieve them. GF sees other couples on the streets and become very envious. GF sees couples holding hands on orchard but the hand she wants to hold is unavailable. GF sees couples giggling and flirting, but she has to tolerate, and she puts all hopes into her weekend box. But when weekend comes, BF nuas. And pls refer to above meaning of weekends.

Meaning of Sacrifice:
BF comes out every weekend and tries to spend time with GF. To him even 2 hours is a sacrifice cause he has to spend time with his family and friends too. BF thinks that as long as he is there physically, he is already doing his part. GF appears to be emo cause its just 2 hours, but the main point is, whether he makes the 2 hours count. In this 2 hours, he might be nua-ing for 1 hour. Or he might be talking about NS. Or he might me msging his friends about their outing later. Or he might be using your laptop to play JamLegend (HAHAH Dear, this is just an analogy. Not saying that I mind that you play JamLegend on my laptop.) When it is time to leave, BF seems okay to leave, while GF shows how reluctant she is. Then she just falls into a coma of emoness, and pls refer to why under the meaning of weekends. BF's sacrifice is in terms of the amount of time squeezes out to spend with her, GF's sacrifice comes in the more emotional form. Her sacrifice for the relationship is that she is alone all week, she solves her own problems, she misses him but cant do anything about it, she closes her eyes when she sees other couples on the street, etc.

Okay, this is getting too lengthy. The point of this entry is not because Samuel and I are in bad terms again. Its just that sometimes, the guy just doesnt understand what the girl is thinking. So this is to help poor pathetic girls who are just as pathetic as me know that they are not alone. HAHAHAHHAH! And its also just my complilation of how I've been feeling all these while.

A relationship when the guy is in NS is really not easy. Its very easy to lose faith but its also very easy to feel very loved again. His routine kills faith, but because of circumstances, tiny deeds that he does has the same impact as big deeds that non NS BF does. Its like when we meet for only a while during Nights Out, he held my hand very snugly and I feel so loved alr. I doubt in a typical relationship, the GF might not even feel anything if he holds your hand a little tighter.

Okay. Brain juices used up. Nap time.

Jean says I must blog about our awesome night out. So ya, had so much awesome chatting and catching up that we are going to meet up again tml. =D Jean must be thrilled. HAHA! More excitement then.

I'm still so undecided about my hair. DIE. I'm just going to impulsively do something tml. But thats what living is for right? Right for the moment and only for the moment and I might just regret later but who cares its for the moment. Ya, so something will happen tomorrow. I dont know what.

Thank you friends for letting me pangseh you guys yesterday. =D And I know you guys have no hard feelings too, so I didnt struggle when I had to leave. HAH!

I rushed off yesterday to meet Samuel cause he had a short night's out. I'm glad I did. That short short shortttt meet up will have to last me 1-2 weeks of not seeing him.

It was quite amusing watching army guys shop at cold storage. Really macciam like got some big sale, they just hold on to so many things in their arms. And I think they dont like using baskets, so they just hugged their items all the way to the counter.

Samuel was really sweet to me yesterday. I cant really explain also but times like yesterday, I could really feel the connection and like no one else around us matter. I dont know why that connection doesnt happen all the time also, but when that connection happens, it feels really really good. I think its the small actions that tell me how he feels. He doesnt have to tell me he loves me, but I just know it. Haiya, I dont know how to explain. Its just a phenomenon.

I imagined this for a very long time alr. Black strap watch, with the strap like the metal strap kind but in black. Silver rim with the 3 circles thing on the face of the water. So when I saw it yesterday, I knew it was fate. HAHH!

And when I was paying, the salesperson went "wah you are 1st in Singapore to buy this!" Erh.... Okay.... So Yeah, I'm 1st.

But the watch is so pretty, yet sharp. Omg. Love it. I really love Fossil watches. I can have 1 million fossil watches. For my bday, get me fossil vouchers k!

And when I showed Samuel, he went "So you dont want the watch I bought for you ah?"
And when I showed my Dad, he went "So the watch Samuel bought for you how?"

HAH. I will wear both. I love both of them.

If everything goes well, people from all over the world is going to see the photos I take. I'm nervous excited. I know very well that my photog skills are not upz (yet), and I need to improve drastically by these few weeks.

NERVOUS YO!

Happy Birthday Guosheng! This was a totally random meetup. But it was still nice meeting people up despite my work schedule. I didnt take any food pictures today but that doesnt mean I didnt eat anything at work. HAHA. The staff today bought rice kuay and hum ji pang and she brought a tub of home made chocolate chip cookies for me! =D Super nice cookies, like I swear I couldnt stop eating them today. Damn why cant my cookies turn out just as good.

So after failed cookies, successful cupcakes, this weekend or maybe next, I'm making candies! =D I want to make this weekend, but Samuel is away so no one to appreciate my products.

Okay, another day at work tomorrow, and tomorrow and tomorrow again. I really dont like mid week.