Slow down.
Lets slow down
and start going backwards.
Friday, December 03, 2010!
HandWritten on; 7:28 AM
Memories.This blog post will be all my super random thoughts so Eileen, please do not analyse everything k. :p
Indeed, stepping out of my comfort zone brought me to an absolute new level. I've learnt and actually love myself even more after this camp. I think I deserve the biggest pat on my back for managing my emotions and temper. I didnt even say a vulgarity. The only time I was close was when we were out during heavy rain and we realised we didnt close the sleeping area windows. And I told Eileen "I have some bad news, so bad I might say a vulgarity." HAHH! But yes, I really think my tolerance level has reached a new high and I'm damn awesome.
Qn: Did the camp reach my expectations?
Ans a: In the big picture, YES OF COURSE. The kids learnt their 3Cs, learnt to coexist, became friends with the facils, bonded as a team. The facils had fun, learnt how to manage such unique characters of the many kids, they were like mentors. Logs had a hell lot of 'fun'. Yes, it exceeded my expectations. To be honest, despite saying I trust my committee, I had my doubts about them. Their skills/experience level is not really there yet. But one thing that made them super great was their willingness and their determination. Their attitude changed everything. As long as you think you can do it, you can.
Ans b: I learnt alot, I explored new capabilities, but sometimes I feel that all these is made possible at the expense of my happiness level. Its a personal choice to cut down the happiness for the smooth flowing of operations. I dont know if it is real or if it is just my perception of how I handled things this time round. Utilitarianism, greatest happiness for the greatest number so I pressed on despite the dulan-ish in me.
I am a person who likes to be liked. And that was why I didnt feel too happy at camp. No matter how much I would like to say it didnt affect me, I'm sure it did la. I just didnt let it affect me so much that I cannot continue my role.
And I really envy the facils! I wanna be so close to the kids tooooooo!! At first when the kids came, all in my mind was "holy shit, they are here, what must I do, whats next, what will make them happy..." so much that I forgot to look closely at them. It was only on the 2nd day, I started having more time to just wander. I realised how innocent and how adorable they actually are. Some can be super naughty but I still observed the naive side of them. No matter how naughty they were, they had this other soft side. Super cute. Especially since they are P4-P6ish, they behave in a very unique way. And they dont smile showing their teeth. Ha.
Just now after the kids left, I felt this sudden void. My ears felt faulty, like "where did all the noise go?" I miss the laughter, the shouting, the cheering, the complaining, the quarrelling and all the other noises the kids make. HAHA. I tell you, the list will go on, everything can trigger them to make alot of noise. I miss playing with the kids, then being firm to them as well.
And I must say, I laughed so much at campfire. I was the emcee but sometimes I just cannot control myself and still laugh sooo badly I couldnt speak. HAHA. The kids were cute until...... I dont know how to describe. Their performance was super duper funny. HAHHAHA. The way they behave through their instincts were super funny.
The way they call me "Barbie" is super funny also. HAHAHA. And I heard from Justin that everyone cheered super loudly when 1 group found Buzz. I was touched until my goosebumps all appear. Even though they say things like "the story is not true laa. Toy story is not true.." but at the end of the day, they can immerse soooo much into the story that they behave instinctually.
I am glad I had this opportunity. :) OKAY KNOCK OUT. BUAY TAHAN ALR.